Catch'in up

Monday, November 19, 2007
Now that we have been here in Ukraine for nearly 1 month and the adoptions of our 3 new sons are officially complete (with the exception of the 10-day wait for the 2 older boys), I am beginning to think about what our new life at home will be like. One of the first things I will do when I arrive home and have slept off any jet lag, is to purchase a mega sized dry-erase board for my kitchen wall. Next, I will call my family and friends, who are raising or have been raised in a large family and acquire my "expert" list of suggestions on how to keep balance and harmony in the home. I think my sense of humor will need to expand far more than I realize. Maybe a brush up course on how to pray the Irish rosary with greater speed would be helpful. But, I also need to know about practical things, like how many cows and chickens to invest in, so I can save on my grocery bill. I also need to know how long is safe to let the boys punch each other out before they are no longer considered, "just being boys"- just kidding!!

Where have the weeks gone? I just noticed that I have not made a journal entry for 10 days! What have I been doing for the last 10 days? Too many details for my mind to process so I will just cover the big events.

On Tuesday, November 13th , we had our adoption hearing for Artyom and Volodymyr. It took about ½ hour. We actually started about 45 minutes late, because the prosecutor was late and also our driver had to go get V, from school because, we were not told that he needed to be present at the hearing with Artyom. After about 10 minutes the judge made reference to the time, it was the lunch hour now. The jurors were two babushkas, maybe in their 70's. One of them asked V to come over to her for a question. She asked him if he was going to miss his mother (who lost her parental rights 5 years ago) and then she burst out crying. He just stood there, not knowing what to say and then looked at me, as if to wonder, what is this woman talking about, my mother is right there. Angelina ran over and took his hand and brought him over to sit with us again. The judge looked at the distressed juror, with a puzzled look and asked her what she was talking about, and further explained in an exasperated tone that "the child’s birth mother, father, two adult brothers nor anyone in the family, except the maternal grandmother had seen or taken interest in his life. His grandmother was the only one who had an interest and cared about his welfare and she had given her written consent and was happy for him to have found a family to care for him." We have met V.s Babushka, Nina, and she has been taking V. On the weekends since he was an infant. Her pension is very small and "her elderly husband whom she cares for is blind and paralyzed, so she is not able to care for V full-time," she explained to us.


So this was are drama for the day. The rest of the hearing went off without any further outbursts and V (Andy) came and took his place on Papa’s knee with a proud grin. When all questions were asked, the judge dismissed our family, social workers, Angelina and the jurors so she could make her conclusion. In about 5 minutes, she called our family, social workers and Angelina back in and read her favorable decision. We were all relieved and overjoyed!! We were officially, a family now. Welcome Thomas "Artyom" and "Andrew" Vladinir.
Our 10-day waiting period starts in the morning and Mark will remain in Gorlovka to bring the boys home on the 30th. I return home with Christopher on the 22nd, Thanksgiving Day. We will continue to spend time with the boys after school but today they will go back to the orphanage with the Social Worker. Angelina has suggest that we go and celebrate over lunch and since we have yet to see her eat a meal the whole time we have been here, we are excited about the prospect of treating her. We asked her to choose for us. We went to one of her favorite restaurants that serves Georgian cuisine. We actually had our own dining room that had its own entertainment center. We enjoyed a delicious meal that would have easily set us back $75.00-100 at home, $40.00 total including tip!!! I like this!!

Wednesday and Thursday we spent a good bit of time at the Internet café catching up on e-mail, trip to the market and much of nothing else. Mark was recovering from a virus and I was just dreaming about home and feeling closed in at the apartment wishing I had left something behind and replaced it with more DVDs.


Friday we had a celebration/going away party for Artyom and Andy at the orphanage. We bought 8 cakes and 8, 2 liter bottles of soda to feed 70 children and the caregivers on the second and third floor . When we arrived at 4:00, Andy’s grandmother was there to celebrate with us. We exchanged addresses and phone numbers and promised to update her with photos and keep him in touch. The older children including Artyom’s groupa were having a performance for the orphanage and we were invited to attend. They put on several skits and were divided into 2 teams to be judged. They were required to do a lot of improv and did a great job. I wish I had a translator, but what I could decipher was very funny.


Helen, then made the announcement that Artyom and Andy’s parents had brought some "sweet gifts" for them to celebrate. The children on Andy’s floor ages 8-12, waited patiently and enjoyed their dessert, while the teens on the third floor showed their status and devoured 5 cakes and 5 bottles of soda in less than 5 minutes.


Andy’s grandmother was taking him for the weekend and we needed to get back to the apartment to finish packing and prepare for Saturday’s trip to pick up Christopher. The boys and I said goodbye until papa bring’s them home week after next.


Saturday, November 17th
This is the day we have been laboring over and waiting for to come for 19 months. It was March 2006 when I first read about Christopher and was drawn to his photograph. Just 5 years old when it was taken of him. Christopher, then called by his nickname, Zhenya , was pictured, seated in a donated wheelchair. He did not bear an inkling of a smile and his expression spoke of loss and sadness. His birth mother, an alcoholic and not able to care for him, had just lost her parental rights. It was one of those photos that together with his brief, but very sad description made me want to rescue him from his present circumstances. I did not feel pity for him, but my spirit felt driven to pursue the possibilities of all we could provide for him. So here we were, with our dream coming true. Just really the beginning of a new life for not only Christopher, Mark and I, but for our other children as well.


I cannot say that our new life, or our life before Christopher is a "fairy tale". Fairy Tales are not real. My mind had been stretched and emotions tested this past year and a half more than I ever thought was possible. There were moments and sometimes days that I wondered if we were truly following God’s plan, and those times were when I pleaded for His voice to be audible. I have experienced God’s abundant grace in every aspect of my life as a mother, woman and wife. Such generous grace, that without, I would not be in Ukraine today. I have watched miracles unfold that hold such holiness that they cannot be spoken about in common words. I also experienced physical healing, in the months before receiving our appointment in Ukraine. Also, an answer to prayer, that without, would have made this trip humanly impossible.

This day is not only a day in the history of our family, but in the day of every person who has helped to pave the path for us to make Christopher our son. For every prayer warrior (and I know that there must be a full army out there!) I am forever grateful. For Dan and Sandy Roberts whose hearts and passion for the forgotten children of Torez and who also spent many a sleepless night thinking of what they could do. For Ann and Kate at Kids to Adopt, who became my professors in the Master’s course of Ukranian dossiers and my cheerleaders, whenever I became dumbfounded at the bureaucracy of two different governments who are "acting in the best interest of the children." For our Fairy Grant mother, whose anonymity will remain, but whose love for our son and generosity of God’s provisions made this all possible. For our family and friends who have been supportive throughout this process, who have been there to encourage us and see God’s hand in this plan. Especially, AnnMaura and Peter whose role as Nicholas’ godparents was far stretched as they cared for Charlie and Nick with such love and personal sacrifice during our absence, giving us the confidence and peace of mind we needed to be here. For Lisha, who has been a treasure and fervent prayer partner, always lifting my spirits when I became discouraged during the long wait. For our amazing daughters Ashleigh and Neena, the Mentesana and Bhole families as they stepped in at a moments notice to care for our four-legged children, (anytime I can return the favor...you can count on me) For Olga, whose expertise as our translator and special company we so enjoyed. For our Commander and General, Angelina Z., you are the only human being I have known to get so much accomplished in one day with minimal sustenance and sleep! We have so enjoyed your guidance and friendship throughout this process and look forward to our continuing relationship. You were the sunlight on our dreary days, always lending a smile, sense of humor and "do not worry, Theresa". You are an agent of God and His plan, we certainly would not have completed this day in celebration, without you. For all of you, and those I have not mentioned by name but hold in my heart, I believe you will also be blessed by Christopher’s presence in your life.


Today, Angelina came bearing gifts of Dramamine for Mark since, every trip to Torez he has experienced car sickness. Our usual driver on this trip, Valera, is not available today so Angelina’s husband Nick is driving. He said he knows a shorter and smoother road. Angelina, briefly protests reminding him that we are 2 hours behind schedule and adding he has not been there before. (This script sounds all to familiar) A milepost representing the next city and fewer potholes in the road soon reveal that Nick does indeed know a better and faster way. Angelina now boasted about how brilliant her husband is. Funny, the way there are just some things about the male/female relationship that are universal.

We are meeting Alexander, the Director of Torez for the first time today. It is a Saturday, and he is making a special trip to see Zhenya off. Today, Alexander is witnessing a miracle of his own. He has been the Director of Torez Orphanage for Special Needs children and Institution for Mentally disabled Women, for 28 years. Zhenya is the first child to be adopted from this Institution, not because the children are so severely damaged, but because no one truly believed that it was possible for these children to have a life outside of Torez, once sent here, at the age of four years old, this was thought to be the final destination of their earthly lives.


When we arrived at the orphanage we were greeted by three or four teens and young adults who were mentally challenged. They were chatting among themselves and then made an inquiry to Angelina about our presence there and why was it Zhenya that was chosen. "This is an important day for all of the children here. They all know what is happening and it gives them new hope that a family might come for them too," Angelina said.

Jesus said to the father, "You said, ‘if you can’! All things are possible for the one who believes." Immediately the father cried out, "I do believe! Help me to believe more!"
Mark9:23-24


We spent about 30 minutes with Alexander going over the adoption decree, Christopher’s passport and new birth certificate, naming Mark and I as his parents. The concept of re-identifying a child’s birth parent is one that puzzles me however. Regardless of the life choices, Christopher’s birth mother made that will effect him forever, she still chose to give him life and she was the one who gave physical birth to our new son. We will not forget her nor her gift to us this day. Alexander gave us a memento, a photograph of him in Kyiv and asked Angelina to compose his warm regards and respects on the back in English. A kind gesture, that we take to heart. He asked us to please send updates and photos of Christopher’s progress. Then he called for a care giver and asked that Christopher be dressed in the clothes we brought for him.
In five short minutes, our little boy was suited up and ready to go. He looked at us with wonder and waved his hands with excitement. We asked Alexander if he would sit with us for a farewell photo. Papa Alexander sat next to his frail little Zhenya, took his hand and waved it at the camera, speaking for Z, "Goodbye Torez!"


We were now pressed for time as our train was leaving in a few hours, so we said our final goodbye’s and headed back to Gorlovka. None of us looked back as we exited the gate nor did we continue in an encore of waves as if leaving a beloved friend. But my mind drifted through the events of the past 19 months and to dreams of our future. Would we ever return to this place to serve in another capacity or purpose for our Lord? What can we do now to influence other families to answer God’s call to search out His will and follow on their own journey to Torez? Too much to contemplate tonight. I will just enjoy holding my child.

Tuesday, November 20th
The last few days have went by in a flash. The train ride to Kyiv, was thankfully uneventful, Christopher had a short episode of crying and as soon as I held him close and spoke softly, he was consoled. I was hoping to sleep the whole trip, but the motion of the train and other night noises, kept me awake most of the night.


Sunday we just went to the corner market to get some food. The location of our apartment here is good, an opinion of one who doesn’t know the city (there is a TGI Fridays down the hill and they have Wifi) We were spoiled by our place in Gorlovka which was very clean and well equipped with household supplies.


Monday we went to obtain the medical exam for Christopher’s visa. The doctor was really nice and got us out to the Embassy before noon. The appointment and interview went well with the exception of the fact that we were made aware that we owed the US government another $670.00 processing fee for a third "unrelated" child. A fee that we did not account for and will trust God to provide for us, as Mark cannot return with our other two boys without it.


Christopher is not a picky eater and is eating everything we give him well. In fact, although he is not speaking , he lets us know in protest with big crocodile tears, if he still feels hungry. We are happy to see that he has this drive to be nourished. There are so many facets of his personality being revealed each hour of the day. He is a timid child and loves to be held and cuddled. He also offers his own expressions of tenderness to Mark and I by gently rubbing the tops of our hands or twirling his little fingers gently in my hair. He is very ticklish and has a raspy little boy laugh. He has spent the last 3 days, biting down on the straws of the juice boxes, while we squeeze out the juice into his mouth. Tonight, daddy reported a milestone, as he downed the whole juice box sucking normally on the straw. A neglected child, he has seemingly never been taught to play and the first day I gave him a matchbox car he stuck it in his mouth like an infant or toddler and scared me into thinking he was going to break a tooth. When I took it from him to avoid any such tragedy, he cried. Today, I tried again and he just held it and observed its bright metallic body. Maybe tomorrow, he will show me how to drive it across the carpet.


I have had sore throat for 4 days now that has become progressivly unbearable and finally decided to start the broad based antibiotics I brought with me. This was one of those times that if the illness did not kill you , the cure might. Very strange side effects, if I feel better in a few days, I do not think I will not take the recommended 10 day dose.


So far, Christopher seems to get a second wind around 8:30 in the evening, just when we are thinking he might go to sleep. Since it gets dark by 4:30 here, it feels like it is much later. When he winds up he starts to giggle and claps. There is a pattern to this clapping, four single beats. For the last two nights it goes on 2-3 hours. The first time I asked him, "nyee noozhen, pajoulsta" (do not do that, please) he paused, looked at me, and giggled and started again. I think the word, "please" was the wrong choice here. Somebody forgot to tell this kid that, I have a little experience. When he figured out that it did not phase me, he stopped and fell asleep. Last night however, I was not so successful and retreated to the sofa for sleep, while Mark, who could sleep through an earthquake, fell asleep through it all.


Wednesday, November 21st
Well, I woke up feeling half ways like myself again, so we will try to venture out to the Internet café and maybe try to find a few souvineers since we have not been able to get around as easily here in Kyiv. Since the snow and ice is melting on the streets, we will finally have a clear and safe path to take Christopher’s wheelchair out. The taxi’s here are very small and it is difficult to find a van, so we need to stay close to the flat.


We had a really great walk and it was nice to get some fresh air. Christopher, smiled and laughed the entire time we were out. What a pleasant little boy! We got back home around 4:00 and just relaxed, packed and had some dinner. It seems we have a night owl on our hands. I’d love to believe we are just lucky and his body is adjusting to Atlanta time, but Christopher was still awake when I got up from the sofa at 2:00am. Daddy, however, was sawing logs.

Thursday, November 22 Thanksgiving Day 2007
As I make this entry, it is 9:11am EST and we are in the air. We had a tasty lunch compliments of Delta Airlines. From the time we arrived at the airport in Kyiv, this journey home has been a blessing and I have felt God’s hand on my shoulder every step. The Delta Airlines staff at the airport and on this flight have been incredibly helpful. One of the flight attendeants, a Ukrainian woman, came to me before take -off and extended a personal thank you for adopting a child of Ukraine. She shared with me that her husband, who is an American, wants to also adopt a child from Ukraine. Christopher has been an absolute delight and you would think he was a seasoned traveler. I really am overcome with emotions when I think of what this little guy has been through in his first seven years of life and how much joy he has in his soul.