Mark, Artyom and Andy will be home on Sunday, December 2nd. Thanks be to God and the Carlton and Hardy families for their generosity in making it possible.
It was such a wonderful homecoming for us on Thanksgiving Day. Ashleigh, Neena and Mike (Ashleigh's beau) were at the airport to greet Christopher and I and when we arrived home, we found Nicholas and Charlie sound asleep. Nick was unmovable and Charlie had insisted we wake him up to say hello.
AnnMaura and I sat up until nearly 2:00am catching up on the events of the last month. Ashleigh, Neena and I were all in agreement that the boys had both grown far more then we imagined.
Christopher is adjusting well and such a joyful child. He is comfortable with his new brothers and sisters and we are looking forward to watching him bloom as soon as we begin therapy. I think he has already gained a little weight. He will have his first pediatric visit next week. EEG, MRI and Neurology consult will follow in the next several weeks he will start PT, OT and Speech therapy. You all know where we will be conducting school!!
Will be back to update when the rest of the Wollschlager football team is here.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Catch'in up
Monday, November 19, 2007
Now that we have been here in Ukraine for nearly 1 month and the adoptions of our 3 new sons are officially complete (with the exception of the 10-day wait for the 2 older boys), I am beginning to think about what our new life at home will be like. One of the first things I will do when I arrive home and have slept off any jet lag, is to purchase a mega sized dry-erase board for my kitchen wall. Next, I will call my family and friends, who are raising or have been raised in a large family and acquire my "expert" list of suggestions on how to keep balance and harmony in the home. I think my sense of humor will need to expand far more than I realize. Maybe a brush up course on how to pray the Irish rosary with greater speed would be helpful. But, I also need to know about practical things, like how many cows and chickens to invest in, so I can save on my grocery bill. I also need to know how long is safe to let the boys punch each other out before they are no longer considered, "just being boys"- just kidding!!
Where have the weeks gone? I just noticed that I have not made a journal entry for 10 days! What have I been doing for the last 10 days? Too many details for my mind to process so I will just cover the big events.
On Tuesday, November 13th , we had our adoption hearing for Artyom and Volodymyr. It took about ½ hour. We actually started about 45 minutes late, because the prosecutor was late and also our driver had to go get V, from school because, we were not told that he needed to be present at the hearing with Artyom. After about 10 minutes the judge made reference to the time, it was the lunch hour now. The jurors were two babushkas, maybe in their 70's. One of them asked V to come over to her for a question. She asked him if he was going to miss his mother (who lost her parental rights 5 years ago) and then she burst out crying. He just stood there, not knowing what to say and then looked at me, as if to wonder, what is this woman talking about, my mother is right there. Angelina ran over and took his hand and brought him over to sit with us again. The judge looked at the distressed juror, with a puzzled look and asked her what she was talking about, and further explained in an exasperated tone that "the child’s birth mother, father, two adult brothers nor anyone in the family, except the maternal grandmother had seen or taken interest in his life. His grandmother was the only one who had an interest and cared about his welfare and she had given her written consent and was happy for him to have found a family to care for him." We have met V.s Babushka, Nina, and she has been taking V. On the weekends since he was an infant. Her pension is very small and "her elderly husband whom she cares for is blind and paralyzed, so she is not able to care for V full-time," she explained to us.
So this was are drama for the day. The rest of the hearing went off without any further outbursts and V (Andy) came and took his place on Papa’s knee with a proud grin. When all questions were asked, the judge dismissed our family, social workers, Angelina and the jurors so she could make her conclusion. In about 5 minutes, she called our family, social workers and Angelina back in and read her favorable decision. We were all relieved and overjoyed!! We were officially, a family now. Welcome Thomas "Artyom" and "Andrew" Vladinir.
Our 10-day waiting period starts in the morning and Mark will remain in Gorlovka to bring the boys home on the 30th. I return home with Christopher on the 22nd, Thanksgiving Day. We will continue to spend time with the boys after school but today they will go back to the orphanage with the Social Worker. Angelina has suggest that we go and celebrate over lunch and since we have yet to see her eat a meal the whole time we have been here, we are excited about the prospect of treating her. We asked her to choose for us. We went to one of her favorite restaurants that serves Georgian cuisine. We actually had our own dining room that had its own entertainment center. We enjoyed a delicious meal that would have easily set us back $75.00-100 at home, $40.00 total including tip!!! I like this!!
Wednesday and Thursday we spent a good bit of time at the Internet café catching up on e-mail, trip to the market and much of nothing else. Mark was recovering from a virus and I was just dreaming about home and feeling closed in at the apartment wishing I had left something behind and replaced it with more DVDs.
Friday we had a celebration/going away party for Artyom and Andy at the orphanage. We bought 8 cakes and 8, 2 liter bottles of soda to feed 70 children and the caregivers on the second and third floor . When we arrived at 4:00, Andy’s grandmother was there to celebrate with us. We exchanged addresses and phone numbers and promised to update her with photos and keep him in touch. The older children including Artyom’s groupa were having a performance for the orphanage and we were invited to attend. They put on several skits and were divided into 2 teams to be judged. They were required to do a lot of improv and did a great job. I wish I had a translator, but what I could decipher was very funny.
Helen, then made the announcement that Artyom and Andy’s parents had brought some "sweet gifts" for them to celebrate. The children on Andy’s floor ages 8-12, waited patiently and enjoyed their dessert, while the teens on the third floor showed their status and devoured 5 cakes and 5 bottles of soda in less than 5 minutes.
Andy’s grandmother was taking him for the weekend and we needed to get back to the apartment to finish packing and prepare for Saturday’s trip to pick up Christopher. The boys and I said goodbye until papa bring’s them home week after next.
Saturday, November 17th
This is the day we have been laboring over and waiting for to come for 19 months. It was March 2006 when I first read about Christopher and was drawn to his photograph. Just 5 years old when it was taken of him. Christopher, then called by his nickname, Zhenya , was pictured, seated in a donated wheelchair. He did not bear an inkling of a smile and his expression spoke of loss and sadness. His birth mother, an alcoholic and not able to care for him, had just lost her parental rights. It was one of those photos that together with his brief, but very sad description made me want to rescue him from his present circumstances. I did not feel pity for him, but my spirit felt driven to pursue the possibilities of all we could provide for him. So here we were, with our dream coming true. Just really the beginning of a new life for not only Christopher, Mark and I, but for our other children as well.
I cannot say that our new life, or our life before Christopher is a "fairy tale". Fairy Tales are not real. My mind had been stretched and emotions tested this past year and a half more than I ever thought was possible. There were moments and sometimes days that I wondered if we were truly following God’s plan, and those times were when I pleaded for His voice to be audible. I have experienced God’s abundant grace in every aspect of my life as a mother, woman and wife. Such generous grace, that without, I would not be in Ukraine today. I have watched miracles unfold that hold such holiness that they cannot be spoken about in common words. I also experienced physical healing, in the months before receiving our appointment in Ukraine. Also, an answer to prayer, that without, would have made this trip humanly impossible.
This day is not only a day in the history of our family, but in the day of every person who has helped to pave the path for us to make Christopher our son. For every prayer warrior (and I know that there must be a full army out there!) I am forever grateful. For Dan and Sandy Roberts whose hearts and passion for the forgotten children of Torez and who also spent many a sleepless night thinking of what they could do. For Ann and Kate at Kids to Adopt, who became my professors in the Master’s course of Ukranian dossiers and my cheerleaders, whenever I became dumbfounded at the bureaucracy of two different governments who are "acting in the best interest of the children." For our Fairy Grant mother, whose anonymity will remain, but whose love for our son and generosity of God’s provisions made this all possible. For our family and friends who have been supportive throughout this process, who have been there to encourage us and see God’s hand in this plan. Especially, AnnMaura and Peter whose role as Nicholas’ godparents was far stretched as they cared for Charlie and Nick with such love and personal sacrifice during our absence, giving us the confidence and peace of mind we needed to be here. For Lisha, who has been a treasure and fervent prayer partner, always lifting my spirits when I became discouraged during the long wait. For our amazing daughters Ashleigh and Neena, the Mentesana and Bhole families as they stepped in at a moments notice to care for our four-legged children, (anytime I can return the favor...you can count on me) For Olga, whose expertise as our translator and special company we so enjoyed. For our Commander and General, Angelina Z., you are the only human being I have known to get so much accomplished in one day with minimal sustenance and sleep! We have so enjoyed your guidance and friendship throughout this process and look forward to our continuing relationship. You were the sunlight on our dreary days, always lending a smile, sense of humor and "do not worry, Theresa". You are an agent of God and His plan, we certainly would not have completed this day in celebration, without you. For all of you, and those I have not mentioned by name but hold in my heart, I believe you will also be blessed by Christopher’s presence in your life.
Today, Angelina came bearing gifts of Dramamine for Mark since, every trip to Torez he has experienced car sickness. Our usual driver on this trip, Valera, is not available today so Angelina’s husband Nick is driving. He said he knows a shorter and smoother road. Angelina, briefly protests reminding him that we are 2 hours behind schedule and adding he has not been there before. (This script sounds all to familiar) A milepost representing the next city and fewer potholes in the road soon reveal that Nick does indeed know a better and faster way. Angelina now boasted about how brilliant her husband is. Funny, the way there are just some things about the male/female relationship that are universal.
We are meeting Alexander, the Director of Torez for the first time today. It is a Saturday, and he is making a special trip to see Zhenya off. Today, Alexander is witnessing a miracle of his own. He has been the Director of Torez Orphanage for Special Needs children and Institution for Mentally disabled Women, for 28 years. Zhenya is the first child to be adopted from this Institution, not because the children are so severely damaged, but because no one truly believed that it was possible for these children to have a life outside of Torez, once sent here, at the age of four years old, this was thought to be the final destination of their earthly lives.
When we arrived at the orphanage we were greeted by three or four teens and young adults who were mentally challenged. They were chatting among themselves and then made an inquiry to Angelina about our presence there and why was it Zhenya that was chosen. "This is an important day for all of the children here. They all know what is happening and it gives them new hope that a family might come for them too," Angelina said.
Jesus said to the father, "You said, ‘if you can’! All things are possible for the one who believes." Immediately the father cried out, "I do believe! Help me to believe more!"
Mark9:23-24
We spent about 30 minutes with Alexander going over the adoption decree, Christopher’s passport and new birth certificate, naming Mark and I as his parents. The concept of re-identifying a child’s birth parent is one that puzzles me however. Regardless of the life choices, Christopher’s birth mother made that will effect him forever, she still chose to give him life and she was the one who gave physical birth to our new son. We will not forget her nor her gift to us this day. Alexander gave us a memento, a photograph of him in Kyiv and asked Angelina to compose his warm regards and respects on the back in English. A kind gesture, that we take to heart. He asked us to please send updates and photos of Christopher’s progress. Then he called for a care giver and asked that Christopher be dressed in the clothes we brought for him.
In five short minutes, our little boy was suited up and ready to go. He looked at us with wonder and waved his hands with excitement. We asked Alexander if he would sit with us for a farewell photo. Papa Alexander sat next to his frail little Zhenya, took his hand and waved it at the camera, speaking for Z, "Goodbye Torez!"
We were now pressed for time as our train was leaving in a few hours, so we said our final goodbye’s and headed back to Gorlovka. None of us looked back as we exited the gate nor did we continue in an encore of waves as if leaving a beloved friend. But my mind drifted through the events of the past 19 months and to dreams of our future. Would we ever return to this place to serve in another capacity or purpose for our Lord? What can we do now to influence other families to answer God’s call to search out His will and follow on their own journey to Torez? Too much to contemplate tonight. I will just enjoy holding my child.
Tuesday, November 20th
The last few days have went by in a flash. The train ride to Kyiv, was thankfully uneventful, Christopher had a short episode of crying and as soon as I held him close and spoke softly, he was consoled. I was hoping to sleep the whole trip, but the motion of the train and other night noises, kept me awake most of the night.
Sunday we just went to the corner market to get some food. The location of our apartment here is good, an opinion of one who doesn’t know the city (there is a TGI Fridays down the hill and they have Wifi) We were spoiled by our place in Gorlovka which was very clean and well equipped with household supplies.
Monday we went to obtain the medical exam for Christopher’s visa. The doctor was really nice and got us out to the Embassy before noon. The appointment and interview went well with the exception of the fact that we were made aware that we owed the US government another $670.00 processing fee for a third "unrelated" child. A fee that we did not account for and will trust God to provide for us, as Mark cannot return with our other two boys without it.
Christopher is not a picky eater and is eating everything we give him well. In fact, although he is not speaking , he lets us know in protest with big crocodile tears, if he still feels hungry. We are happy to see that he has this drive to be nourished. There are so many facets of his personality being revealed each hour of the day. He is a timid child and loves to be held and cuddled. He also offers his own expressions of tenderness to Mark and I by gently rubbing the tops of our hands or twirling his little fingers gently in my hair. He is very ticklish and has a raspy little boy laugh. He has spent the last 3 days, biting down on the straws of the juice boxes, while we squeeze out the juice into his mouth. Tonight, daddy reported a milestone, as he downed the whole juice box sucking normally on the straw. A neglected child, he has seemingly never been taught to play and the first day I gave him a matchbox car he stuck it in his mouth like an infant or toddler and scared me into thinking he was going to break a tooth. When I took it from him to avoid any such tragedy, he cried. Today, I tried again and he just held it and observed its bright metallic body. Maybe tomorrow, he will show me how to drive it across the carpet.
I have had sore throat for 4 days now that has become progressivly unbearable and finally decided to start the broad based antibiotics I brought with me. This was one of those times that if the illness did not kill you , the cure might. Very strange side effects, if I feel better in a few days, I do not think I will not take the recommended 10 day dose.
So far, Christopher seems to get a second wind around 8:30 in the evening, just when we are thinking he might go to sleep. Since it gets dark by 4:30 here, it feels like it is much later. When he winds up he starts to giggle and claps. There is a pattern to this clapping, four single beats. For the last two nights it goes on 2-3 hours. The first time I asked him, "nyee noozhen, pajoulsta" (do not do that, please) he paused, looked at me, and giggled and started again. I think the word, "please" was the wrong choice here. Somebody forgot to tell this kid that, I have a little experience. When he figured out that it did not phase me, he stopped and fell asleep. Last night however, I was not so successful and retreated to the sofa for sleep, while Mark, who could sleep through an earthquake, fell asleep through it all.
Wednesday, November 21st
Well, I woke up feeling half ways like myself again, so we will try to venture out to the Internet café and maybe try to find a few souvineers since we have not been able to get around as easily here in Kyiv. Since the snow and ice is melting on the streets, we will finally have a clear and safe path to take Christopher’s wheelchair out. The taxi’s here are very small and it is difficult to find a van, so we need to stay close to the flat.
We had a really great walk and it was nice to get some fresh air. Christopher, smiled and laughed the entire time we were out. What a pleasant little boy! We got back home around 4:00 and just relaxed, packed and had some dinner. It seems we have a night owl on our hands. I’d love to believe we are just lucky and his body is adjusting to Atlanta time, but Christopher was still awake when I got up from the sofa at 2:00am. Daddy, however, was sawing logs.
Thursday, November 22 Thanksgiving Day 2007
As I make this entry, it is 9:11am EST and we are in the air. We had a tasty lunch compliments of Delta Airlines. From the time we arrived at the airport in Kyiv, this journey home has been a blessing and I have felt God’s hand on my shoulder every step. The Delta Airlines staff at the airport and on this flight have been incredibly helpful. One of the flight attendeants, a Ukrainian woman, came to me before take -off and extended a personal thank you for adopting a child of Ukraine. She shared with me that her husband, who is an American, wants to also adopt a child from Ukraine. Christopher has been an absolute delight and you would think he was a seasoned traveler. I really am overcome with emotions when I think of what this little guy has been through in his first seven years of life and how much joy he has in his soul.
Now that we have been here in Ukraine for nearly 1 month and the adoptions of our 3 new sons are officially complete (with the exception of the 10-day wait for the 2 older boys), I am beginning to think about what our new life at home will be like. One of the first things I will do when I arrive home and have slept off any jet lag, is to purchase a mega sized dry-erase board for my kitchen wall. Next, I will call my family and friends, who are raising or have been raised in a large family and acquire my "expert" list of suggestions on how to keep balance and harmony in the home. I think my sense of humor will need to expand far more than I realize. Maybe a brush up course on how to pray the Irish rosary with greater speed would be helpful. But, I also need to know about practical things, like how many cows and chickens to invest in, so I can save on my grocery bill. I also need to know how long is safe to let the boys punch each other out before they are no longer considered, "just being boys"- just kidding!!
Where have the weeks gone? I just noticed that I have not made a journal entry for 10 days! What have I been doing for the last 10 days? Too many details for my mind to process so I will just cover the big events.
On Tuesday, November 13th , we had our adoption hearing for Artyom and Volodymyr. It took about ½ hour. We actually started about 45 minutes late, because the prosecutor was late and also our driver had to go get V, from school because, we were not told that he needed to be present at the hearing with Artyom. After about 10 minutes the judge made reference to the time, it was the lunch hour now. The jurors were two babushkas, maybe in their 70's. One of them asked V to come over to her for a question. She asked him if he was going to miss his mother (who lost her parental rights 5 years ago) and then she burst out crying. He just stood there, not knowing what to say and then looked at me, as if to wonder, what is this woman talking about, my mother is right there. Angelina ran over and took his hand and brought him over to sit with us again. The judge looked at the distressed juror, with a puzzled look and asked her what she was talking about, and further explained in an exasperated tone that "the child’s birth mother, father, two adult brothers nor anyone in the family, except the maternal grandmother had seen or taken interest in his life. His grandmother was the only one who had an interest and cared about his welfare and she had given her written consent and was happy for him to have found a family to care for him." We have met V.s Babushka, Nina, and she has been taking V. On the weekends since he was an infant. Her pension is very small and "her elderly husband whom she cares for is blind and paralyzed, so she is not able to care for V full-time," she explained to us.
So this was are drama for the day. The rest of the hearing went off without any further outbursts and V (Andy) came and took his place on Papa’s knee with a proud grin. When all questions were asked, the judge dismissed our family, social workers, Angelina and the jurors so she could make her conclusion. In about 5 minutes, she called our family, social workers and Angelina back in and read her favorable decision. We were all relieved and overjoyed!! We were officially, a family now. Welcome Thomas "Artyom" and "Andrew" Vladinir.
Our 10-day waiting period starts in the morning and Mark will remain in Gorlovka to bring the boys home on the 30th. I return home with Christopher on the 22nd, Thanksgiving Day. We will continue to spend time with the boys after school but today they will go back to the orphanage with the Social Worker. Angelina has suggest that we go and celebrate over lunch and since we have yet to see her eat a meal the whole time we have been here, we are excited about the prospect of treating her. We asked her to choose for us. We went to one of her favorite restaurants that serves Georgian cuisine. We actually had our own dining room that had its own entertainment center. We enjoyed a delicious meal that would have easily set us back $75.00-100 at home, $40.00 total including tip!!! I like this!!
Wednesday and Thursday we spent a good bit of time at the Internet café catching up on e-mail, trip to the market and much of nothing else. Mark was recovering from a virus and I was just dreaming about home and feeling closed in at the apartment wishing I had left something behind and replaced it with more DVDs.
Friday we had a celebration/going away party for Artyom and Andy at the orphanage. We bought 8 cakes and 8, 2 liter bottles of soda to feed 70 children and the caregivers on the second and third floor . When we arrived at 4:00, Andy’s grandmother was there to celebrate with us. We exchanged addresses and phone numbers and promised to update her with photos and keep him in touch. The older children including Artyom’s groupa were having a performance for the orphanage and we were invited to attend. They put on several skits and were divided into 2 teams to be judged. They were required to do a lot of improv and did a great job. I wish I had a translator, but what I could decipher was very funny.
Helen, then made the announcement that Artyom and Andy’s parents had brought some "sweet gifts" for them to celebrate. The children on Andy’s floor ages 8-12, waited patiently and enjoyed their dessert, while the teens on the third floor showed their status and devoured 5 cakes and 5 bottles of soda in less than 5 minutes.
Andy’s grandmother was taking him for the weekend and we needed to get back to the apartment to finish packing and prepare for Saturday’s trip to pick up Christopher. The boys and I said goodbye until papa bring’s them home week after next.
Saturday, November 17th
This is the day we have been laboring over and waiting for to come for 19 months. It was March 2006 when I first read about Christopher and was drawn to his photograph. Just 5 years old when it was taken of him. Christopher, then called by his nickname, Zhenya , was pictured, seated in a donated wheelchair. He did not bear an inkling of a smile and his expression spoke of loss and sadness. His birth mother, an alcoholic and not able to care for him, had just lost her parental rights. It was one of those photos that together with his brief, but very sad description made me want to rescue him from his present circumstances. I did not feel pity for him, but my spirit felt driven to pursue the possibilities of all we could provide for him. So here we were, with our dream coming true. Just really the beginning of a new life for not only Christopher, Mark and I, but for our other children as well.
I cannot say that our new life, or our life before Christopher is a "fairy tale". Fairy Tales are not real. My mind had been stretched and emotions tested this past year and a half more than I ever thought was possible. There were moments and sometimes days that I wondered if we were truly following God’s plan, and those times were when I pleaded for His voice to be audible. I have experienced God’s abundant grace in every aspect of my life as a mother, woman and wife. Such generous grace, that without, I would not be in Ukraine today. I have watched miracles unfold that hold such holiness that they cannot be spoken about in common words. I also experienced physical healing, in the months before receiving our appointment in Ukraine. Also, an answer to prayer, that without, would have made this trip humanly impossible.
This day is not only a day in the history of our family, but in the day of every person who has helped to pave the path for us to make Christopher our son. For every prayer warrior (and I know that there must be a full army out there!) I am forever grateful. For Dan and Sandy Roberts whose hearts and passion for the forgotten children of Torez and who also spent many a sleepless night thinking of what they could do. For Ann and Kate at Kids to Adopt, who became my professors in the Master’s course of Ukranian dossiers and my cheerleaders, whenever I became dumbfounded at the bureaucracy of two different governments who are "acting in the best interest of the children." For our Fairy Grant mother, whose anonymity will remain, but whose love for our son and generosity of God’s provisions made this all possible. For our family and friends who have been supportive throughout this process, who have been there to encourage us and see God’s hand in this plan. Especially, AnnMaura and Peter whose role as Nicholas’ godparents was far stretched as they cared for Charlie and Nick with such love and personal sacrifice during our absence, giving us the confidence and peace of mind we needed to be here. For Lisha, who has been a treasure and fervent prayer partner, always lifting my spirits when I became discouraged during the long wait. For our amazing daughters Ashleigh and Neena, the Mentesana and Bhole families as they stepped in at a moments notice to care for our four-legged children, (anytime I can return the favor...you can count on me) For Olga, whose expertise as our translator and special company we so enjoyed. For our Commander and General, Angelina Z., you are the only human being I have known to get so much accomplished in one day with minimal sustenance and sleep! We have so enjoyed your guidance and friendship throughout this process and look forward to our continuing relationship. You were the sunlight on our dreary days, always lending a smile, sense of humor and "do not worry, Theresa". You are an agent of God and His plan, we certainly would not have completed this day in celebration, without you. For all of you, and those I have not mentioned by name but hold in my heart, I believe you will also be blessed by Christopher’s presence in your life.
Today, Angelina came bearing gifts of Dramamine for Mark since, every trip to Torez he has experienced car sickness. Our usual driver on this trip, Valera, is not available today so Angelina’s husband Nick is driving. He said he knows a shorter and smoother road. Angelina, briefly protests reminding him that we are 2 hours behind schedule and adding he has not been there before. (This script sounds all to familiar) A milepost representing the next city and fewer potholes in the road soon reveal that Nick does indeed know a better and faster way. Angelina now boasted about how brilliant her husband is. Funny, the way there are just some things about the male/female relationship that are universal.
We are meeting Alexander, the Director of Torez for the first time today. It is a Saturday, and he is making a special trip to see Zhenya off. Today, Alexander is witnessing a miracle of his own. He has been the Director of Torez Orphanage for Special Needs children and Institution for Mentally disabled Women, for 28 years. Zhenya is the first child to be adopted from this Institution, not because the children are so severely damaged, but because no one truly believed that it was possible for these children to have a life outside of Torez, once sent here, at the age of four years old, this was thought to be the final destination of their earthly lives.
When we arrived at the orphanage we were greeted by three or four teens and young adults who were mentally challenged. They were chatting among themselves and then made an inquiry to Angelina about our presence there and why was it Zhenya that was chosen. "This is an important day for all of the children here. They all know what is happening and it gives them new hope that a family might come for them too," Angelina said.
Jesus said to the father, "You said, ‘if you can’! All things are possible for the one who believes." Immediately the father cried out, "I do believe! Help me to believe more!"
Mark9:23-24
We spent about 30 minutes with Alexander going over the adoption decree, Christopher’s passport and new birth certificate, naming Mark and I as his parents. The concept of re-identifying a child’s birth parent is one that puzzles me however. Regardless of the life choices, Christopher’s birth mother made that will effect him forever, she still chose to give him life and she was the one who gave physical birth to our new son. We will not forget her nor her gift to us this day. Alexander gave us a memento, a photograph of him in Kyiv and asked Angelina to compose his warm regards and respects on the back in English. A kind gesture, that we take to heart. He asked us to please send updates and photos of Christopher’s progress. Then he called for a care giver and asked that Christopher be dressed in the clothes we brought for him.
In five short minutes, our little boy was suited up and ready to go. He looked at us with wonder and waved his hands with excitement. We asked Alexander if he would sit with us for a farewell photo. Papa Alexander sat next to his frail little Zhenya, took his hand and waved it at the camera, speaking for Z, "Goodbye Torez!"
We were now pressed for time as our train was leaving in a few hours, so we said our final goodbye’s and headed back to Gorlovka. None of us looked back as we exited the gate nor did we continue in an encore of waves as if leaving a beloved friend. But my mind drifted through the events of the past 19 months and to dreams of our future. Would we ever return to this place to serve in another capacity or purpose for our Lord? What can we do now to influence other families to answer God’s call to search out His will and follow on their own journey to Torez? Too much to contemplate tonight. I will just enjoy holding my child.
Tuesday, November 20th
The last few days have went by in a flash. The train ride to Kyiv, was thankfully uneventful, Christopher had a short episode of crying and as soon as I held him close and spoke softly, he was consoled. I was hoping to sleep the whole trip, but the motion of the train and other night noises, kept me awake most of the night.
Sunday we just went to the corner market to get some food. The location of our apartment here is good, an opinion of one who doesn’t know the city (there is a TGI Fridays down the hill and they have Wifi) We were spoiled by our place in Gorlovka which was very clean and well equipped with household supplies.
Monday we went to obtain the medical exam for Christopher’s visa. The doctor was really nice and got us out to the Embassy before noon. The appointment and interview went well with the exception of the fact that we were made aware that we owed the US government another $670.00 processing fee for a third "unrelated" child. A fee that we did not account for and will trust God to provide for us, as Mark cannot return with our other two boys without it.
Christopher is not a picky eater and is eating everything we give him well. In fact, although he is not speaking , he lets us know in protest with big crocodile tears, if he still feels hungry. We are happy to see that he has this drive to be nourished. There are so many facets of his personality being revealed each hour of the day. He is a timid child and loves to be held and cuddled. He also offers his own expressions of tenderness to Mark and I by gently rubbing the tops of our hands or twirling his little fingers gently in my hair. He is very ticklish and has a raspy little boy laugh. He has spent the last 3 days, biting down on the straws of the juice boxes, while we squeeze out the juice into his mouth. Tonight, daddy reported a milestone, as he downed the whole juice box sucking normally on the straw. A neglected child, he has seemingly never been taught to play and the first day I gave him a matchbox car he stuck it in his mouth like an infant or toddler and scared me into thinking he was going to break a tooth. When I took it from him to avoid any such tragedy, he cried. Today, I tried again and he just held it and observed its bright metallic body. Maybe tomorrow, he will show me how to drive it across the carpet.
I have had sore throat for 4 days now that has become progressivly unbearable and finally decided to start the broad based antibiotics I brought with me. This was one of those times that if the illness did not kill you , the cure might. Very strange side effects, if I feel better in a few days, I do not think I will not take the recommended 10 day dose.
So far, Christopher seems to get a second wind around 8:30 in the evening, just when we are thinking he might go to sleep. Since it gets dark by 4:30 here, it feels like it is much later. When he winds up he starts to giggle and claps. There is a pattern to this clapping, four single beats. For the last two nights it goes on 2-3 hours. The first time I asked him, "nyee noozhen, pajoulsta" (do not do that, please) he paused, looked at me, and giggled and started again. I think the word, "please" was the wrong choice here. Somebody forgot to tell this kid that, I have a little experience. When he figured out that it did not phase me, he stopped and fell asleep. Last night however, I was not so successful and retreated to the sofa for sleep, while Mark, who could sleep through an earthquake, fell asleep through it all.
Wednesday, November 21st
Well, I woke up feeling half ways like myself again, so we will try to venture out to the Internet café and maybe try to find a few souvineers since we have not been able to get around as easily here in Kyiv. Since the snow and ice is melting on the streets, we will finally have a clear and safe path to take Christopher’s wheelchair out. The taxi’s here are very small and it is difficult to find a van, so we need to stay close to the flat.
We had a really great walk and it was nice to get some fresh air. Christopher, smiled and laughed the entire time we were out. What a pleasant little boy! We got back home around 4:00 and just relaxed, packed and had some dinner. It seems we have a night owl on our hands. I’d love to believe we are just lucky and his body is adjusting to Atlanta time, but Christopher was still awake when I got up from the sofa at 2:00am. Daddy, however, was sawing logs.
Thursday, November 22 Thanksgiving Day 2007
As I make this entry, it is 9:11am EST and we are in the air. We had a tasty lunch compliments of Delta Airlines. From the time we arrived at the airport in Kyiv, this journey home has been a blessing and I have felt God’s hand on my shoulder every step. The Delta Airlines staff at the airport and on this flight have been incredibly helpful. One of the flight attendeants, a Ukrainian woman, came to me before take -off and extended a personal thank you for adopting a child of Ukraine. She shared with me that her husband, who is an American, wants to also adopt a child from Ukraine. Christopher has been an absolute delight and you would think he was a seasoned traveler. I really am overcome with emotions when I think of what this little guy has been through in his first seven years of life and how much joy he has in his soul.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
We did not have anything scheduled for this morning so we both slept in. I was surprised when I woke up at 9:00, I have routinely been getting up by 7:00 so it was really late for me. Mark stayed in bed for another hour. We walk a lot more here then we do at home and the routine and environment is also different. The sun rises every day here around seven, but the sun sets as early as 4:30. This week the days have been consistently cloudy and getting colder. We could see our breath in the morning today. Although we both grew up in the Midwest and this is normal weather for early November, our bodies are acclimated to the milder temperatures and sunnier days of the South.
We headed out to the Internet café around 11:30. Today I am trying to book an apartment in Kyiv for next weekend as Christopher, Mark and I will take the train to complete his exit medical and obtain his visa. Christopher and I will return home to Atlanta on Thanksgiving Day. This certainly will be one of our most memorable Thanksgivings. Mark will return to Gorlovka to get Artyom and V. The three of them will come home the following week.
The time seems to race when we are at the internet café. Before we knew it, the time was already 4:30 and the night sky commanded that we head back to the apartment. We decided to make our way on foot since it was actually warmer then the morning. There was a blanket of snow about 2-3 inches thick on the ground and the tree branches also laden with the first sign of winter cast a new glow on our path. A few minutes into our walk and snow began to fall lightly again. It was really a beautiful sight and I had forgotten, until now, how much I enjoy this scenery.
It is time for our visit to the market again. The market is an adventure and I am so glad that the graphics on most every product label explain the contents. I decided to create sort of a Mexican Ukranian style meal tonight. I parused the isle with all of the packets of dried spices hoping to identify a seasoning for the ground beef, but there were so many choices and not one appeared to have the right combination of spices pictured. I finally just chose one with a photo of a marinated steak on the front and thought at least it is for beef. I picked up some fresh tomatoes, a block of what appeared to be co-jack cheese but had tiny holes in it and finally the "tortillas" which were actually a very thin potato bread that opened up into a 2 ‘x18" rectangle. Looked good to me and my very hungry man.
When I began to brown the beef (Mark thinks it is veal or mutton) the aroma indicated the meat was already seasoned. Voila! I decide that there is no need to add the mystery packet to flavor it any more. Mark commented that dinner was very good and I thought so too. The only thing that would have made it better was to have our children all sitting to eat with us.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Today Olga is going to help us book our airline tickets for Christopher and I to return home on November 22nd. This is Thanksgiving Day in America. I will certainly be experiencing a grand sense of gratitude this day for God’s abundant blessings and our own Pilgrimage to Ukraine to accomplish His will for our family. I cannot wait to hug my children again. I will have to hold them until they cannot stand it any longer.
We stopped by the orphanage today around 1:30 planning to take Volodymyr (Andy) and get a few outfits, since I had not brought any clothing in his size. It turns out that his grandmother was there to take him to spend the weekend with her. She wants to meet with Mark and I and we would like that too. Helen advises us to wait until after our court date to do this. We know she has seen us though because V is greeting her as we are leaving to take Artyom to our favorite café. V comes to us and gives us big hugs and we exchange smiles with his Babushka. I look forward to meeting with her. I cannot imagine how it would be to not only be an orphan, but to leave one of the most influential and loving women in my life. I hope that she will find comfort in knowing we will consider her as a member of our extended family as well.
We have also just learned that our court date was moved up one day to Tuesday at 11:00am. Artyom and V will get to play hookie from school on Monday and we will take them to obtain photos for their new passports and clothes for V.
We did not have anything scheduled for this morning so we both slept in. I was surprised when I woke up at 9:00, I have routinely been getting up by 7:00 so it was really late for me. Mark stayed in bed for another hour. We walk a lot more here then we do at home and the routine and environment is also different. The sun rises every day here around seven, but the sun sets as early as 4:30. This week the days have been consistently cloudy and getting colder. We could see our breath in the morning today. Although we both grew up in the Midwest and this is normal weather for early November, our bodies are acclimated to the milder temperatures and sunnier days of the South.
We headed out to the Internet café around 11:30. Today I am trying to book an apartment in Kyiv for next weekend as Christopher, Mark and I will take the train to complete his exit medical and obtain his visa. Christopher and I will return home to Atlanta on Thanksgiving Day. This certainly will be one of our most memorable Thanksgivings. Mark will return to Gorlovka to get Artyom and V. The three of them will come home the following week.
The time seems to race when we are at the internet café. Before we knew it, the time was already 4:30 and the night sky commanded that we head back to the apartment. We decided to make our way on foot since it was actually warmer then the morning. There was a blanket of snow about 2-3 inches thick on the ground and the tree branches also laden with the first sign of winter cast a new glow on our path. A few minutes into our walk and snow began to fall lightly again. It was really a beautiful sight and I had forgotten, until now, how much I enjoy this scenery.
It is time for our visit to the market again. The market is an adventure and I am so glad that the graphics on most every product label explain the contents. I decided to create sort of a Mexican Ukranian style meal tonight. I parused the isle with all of the packets of dried spices hoping to identify a seasoning for the ground beef, but there were so many choices and not one appeared to have the right combination of spices pictured. I finally just chose one with a photo of a marinated steak on the front and thought at least it is for beef. I picked up some fresh tomatoes, a block of what appeared to be co-jack cheese but had tiny holes in it and finally the "tortillas" which were actually a very thin potato bread that opened up into a 2 ‘x18" rectangle. Looked good to me and my very hungry man.
When I began to brown the beef (Mark thinks it is veal or mutton) the aroma indicated the meat was already seasoned. Voila! I decide that there is no need to add the mystery packet to flavor it any more. Mark commented that dinner was very good and I thought so too. The only thing that would have made it better was to have our children all sitting to eat with us.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Today Olga is going to help us book our airline tickets for Christopher and I to return home on November 22nd. This is Thanksgiving Day in America. I will certainly be experiencing a grand sense of gratitude this day for God’s abundant blessings and our own Pilgrimage to Ukraine to accomplish His will for our family. I cannot wait to hug my children again. I will have to hold them until they cannot stand it any longer.
We stopped by the orphanage today around 1:30 planning to take Volodymyr (Andy) and get a few outfits, since I had not brought any clothing in his size. It turns out that his grandmother was there to take him to spend the weekend with her. She wants to meet with Mark and I and we would like that too. Helen advises us to wait until after our court date to do this. We know she has seen us though because V is greeting her as we are leaving to take Artyom to our favorite café. V comes to us and gives us big hugs and we exchange smiles with his Babushka. I look forward to meeting with her. I cannot imagine how it would be to not only be an orphan, but to leave one of the most influential and loving women in my life. I hope that she will find comfort in knowing we will consider her as a member of our extended family as well.
We have also just learned that our court date was moved up one day to Tuesday at 11:00am. Artyom and V will get to play hookie from school on Monday and we will take them to obtain photos for their new passports and clothes for V.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Addendum to Monday, November 5th
I thought they called the fathers to stand first for questions but the woman judge called on me first. Mark was relieved as he usually likes to rehearse and make notes for several days in advance when it is something monumental. Although, I tend to be more spontaneous in a moments notice, I was nervous. Mark had to answer 3 short questions and after I had been standing for 45 minutes, adds, "and everything Theresa said" WHAT? Ha! Yah, right! Not fair!
Tuesday, November 6th
Nothing much happened today and it was actually a nice break to do little of nothing. A leisurely morning and then off to the Internet café around 2 until 5:30. Time does fly when you are caught up in cyberspace. Olga and her Nascar driver, Gary, picked us up on their way back into town and brought us to the apt.. I was so relieved that we did not have to walk the 25 minutes back in the dark because I was freezing my backside off. I think we were back to Sudeyko Street 4 in 3 minutes flat. We fixed dinner and then crawled in bed with the laptop and watched a really funny Bill Cosby Live on DVD. It is so refreshing to still be able to listen to a man that has a talent for sharing life’s experiences with such humor and not a bit of profanity. He is a riot!!
Wednesday, November 7th
It is 1:00 am and I have not been able to fall asleep yet. I cannot help recalling what Neena said to me some months ago when her friends were all in town demanding her time even though she was exhausted. "Oh well, I will sleep when I am dead!" I laugh so hard as the thought runs through my head, especially when I am fighting insomnia. One thing is for certain, I have had more alone time then I had planned here in Ukraine. I am cherishing this time though, as in a few short weeks "alone time" will just be a figment of my imagination. For as long as I can remember, writing has been a passion of my heart. Until recently though, I have kept the words in a place that felt safe, free from judgement and fully unaccountable. It is time to honor my Loving God now and release the pages of memories and miracles that have been written down in the lines of gray matter.
We have a court date in Gorlovka on Monday for the adoption of Artyom and Volodymyr. If everything happens accordingly, on October 12, 2007, I will become the mother of seven children. (I really like the part where I did not have to experience 16 weeks of morning sickness, or natural childbirth for the last three) How did this happen? Sorry, but why does anyone ask such a stupid question?
I thought they called the fathers to stand first for questions but the woman judge called on me first. Mark was relieved as he usually likes to rehearse and make notes for several days in advance when it is something monumental. Although, I tend to be more spontaneous in a moments notice, I was nervous. Mark had to answer 3 short questions and after I had been standing for 45 minutes, adds, "and everything Theresa said" WHAT? Ha! Yah, right! Not fair!
Tuesday, November 6th
Nothing much happened today and it was actually a nice break to do little of nothing. A leisurely morning and then off to the Internet café around 2 until 5:30. Time does fly when you are caught up in cyberspace. Olga and her Nascar driver, Gary, picked us up on their way back into town and brought us to the apt.. I was so relieved that we did not have to walk the 25 minutes back in the dark because I was freezing my backside off. I think we were back to Sudeyko Street 4 in 3 minutes flat. We fixed dinner and then crawled in bed with the laptop and watched a really funny Bill Cosby Live on DVD. It is so refreshing to still be able to listen to a man that has a talent for sharing life’s experiences with such humor and not a bit of profanity. He is a riot!!
Wednesday, November 7th
It is 1:00 am and I have not been able to fall asleep yet. I cannot help recalling what Neena said to me some months ago when her friends were all in town demanding her time even though she was exhausted. "Oh well, I will sleep when I am dead!" I laugh so hard as the thought runs through my head, especially when I am fighting insomnia. One thing is for certain, I have had more alone time then I had planned here in Ukraine. I am cherishing this time though, as in a few short weeks "alone time" will just be a figment of my imagination. For as long as I can remember, writing has been a passion of my heart. Until recently though, I have kept the words in a place that felt safe, free from judgement and fully unaccountable. It is time to honor my Loving God now and release the pages of memories and miracles that have been written down in the lines of gray matter.
We have a court date in Gorlovka on Monday for the adoption of Artyom and Volodymyr. If everything happens accordingly, on October 12, 2007, I will become the mother of seven children. (I really like the part where I did not have to experience 16 weeks of morning sickness, or natural childbirth for the last three) How did this happen? Sorry, but why does anyone ask such a stupid question?
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A very big day!
Saturday, November 3rd
This morning Olga is taking me to the hospital laboratory to have my pro-time taken. It was too high before I left the states, and I held back my coumadin for 2 days, but needed to have it re-checked the first week we were here. We did not have a moment in Kyiv to do so. We have been praying that all is well and I have been feeling fine. Olga’s mother is a doctor at the hospital and is going to meet us there and order the test.
When we arrive Olga’s mother has her tell me that I should not worry about safety in the lab and that everything is new and clean. Well, that is a relief. I watched the technician open a sealed needle before she speared me with it! There needles are much thicker over here and the alcohol at least 200 proof!! The technician sported an interesting hat. It reminded me of an extra tall chef’s hat. "My results would be ready in 30 minutes", I was told. Pretty impressive for a Saturday too. We waited for the number hoping it was where it needed to be. Ukraine also uses a different scale for measuring results, but the technician assured me she would obtain the proper numbers based on INR. We got the results, 3.6 - just fine and within the desired range. Mark was very relieved, and so was I.
We went to the Internet café to get some things accomplished and then to the market to pick up a few things to make pasta for dinner. We had a late lunch,early dinner and then took a taxi to the Orthodox Church of St. Nicholas. It is not too far from our apartment, but too far to walk in the dark. When we arrived I thought that the church must be closed because it was not well lit outside and maybe 2 cars in the side parking lot. As we approached the entrance gates, a man waved us in to the church. I paused to take a photo of the front door, it was already too dark for me to get a clear image of the full dome and steeple. When we entered the church we discovered evening services had begun and there were many people already present. It finally dawned on me that unless you are a taxi driver or personal driver, people in Ukraine either walk, take a bus or hire a taxi to get to their destination. Ah! That is why it appeared, in my perception, no one was present at the church.
Orthodox Cathedrals are some of the the most artistically ornate and richly set in traditions that I have ever seen. No kneelers or pews to sit in (unless you are very elderly or visibly frail, then there are a few chairs on the sidelines) The service began at 3:00pm and it is now around 5:00. It will go on until around 6 or 7. People young and old continue to assemble in the sanctuary. Many, clearly coming in on their way home from work. The gentleman that had waved us in, begins to speak to me in Ukranian or Russian. Either one, I am not sure what he asks, so I tell him in Russian one of the phrases I have mastered well, "I do not understand Russian". He quickly disappears into the growing crowd and in a few moments, arrives to us with a young woman who states that she can help us if we wish, as she understands and speaks a little English. I thanked her for her kindness and told her we would just observe quietly and that we will come to get her if we need more help.
We made our way off to the right hand corner of the back of the church. The nice gentleman was standing next to us, observing our participation in the service. I made sure that I watched the Babushka’s in front of me to know when and how to make the sign of the cross. When making the sign of the cross, the Orthodox Christian touches the right shoulder before the left when speaking "and the Holy Spirit", rather than the left and then the right, as we do in the Roman Catholic Rite. The sign is also repeated 3 times in a row at many times during the service so there is plenty of opportunity to practice! I wonder what God thinks about all of these rules and formalities we have placed on trying to show our respect for him. I am just as guilty as the next. Though I am so grateful that my salvation is not dependent on how I sign myself, this beautiful, holy place with humble hearts abound and sincere prayers carried up to the heavens with the sweet aroma of incense, fills me with peace.
Soon another woman smiling approaches me speaking English and states that she teaches at the Institute for Foreign Language and would we like to have her help? "I can help you buy something if you would like", pointing around the corner to the gift counter. Yes, we would like to purchase candles and prayer cards of Saint Nicholas", I told her. Her name is Helene, at least I think so, as she said her name with a heavy accent. She asked us what our names were and where we were from. "What brought us here to Gorlovka?" I responded with all of answers she inquired of. She asked us if we already had children and why did we want to adopt? (The concept of adoption, especially if one has already been blessed with birth children, is still very puzzling in this culture). She asked us if she would like to make a petition of prayer and she would write it for us and then the priest prays over all of them at the given time. Yes, Please! Helene drew a little cross on top of the paper and printed our names. She laid it in a basket filled with petitions and then placed a miniature loaf of bread on the top of it. Mark observed that the little loaf resembled a roasted marshmallow .
Helene explained to me that the man who greeted us when we arrived liked us and was the one expressing interest in where we were from and what brought us here. He also offered to show us the best view of the Cathedral, if we wanted to take photographs. Helene told us that she was going to the Monastery for a couple of days but wanted to invite us to her home if we were still going to be here later in the week. So we gave her our number to call.
We were ready to leave, it had been a long day. We stepped outside and called Olga to send a taxi for us. Our new gentleman friend, followed us out and waved us towards the back of the Cathedral. Although it is too dark to get every detail, this is certainly the best view. I still took a few pictures to thank him for the direction. We were about to go to the parking area to wait for our taxi as they are very quick to respond. But, the man beckoned us back into the church. We could see that it was important and we needed to be quick. As we entered the sanctuary, the priest were beginning a procession down the center isle and towards our direction. The man smiled, gesturing us to back up into the line and off to the sides. The priests came around the people bearing a very large and ornate incensor and blessing the congregation. The clergy passed back through and the people resumed their places, facing the altar. Mark and I headed back to the exit , but before I could get to steps a woman (at least 15 years younger than me) stopped me , tilting her head closer to mine and speaking softly something that I could not comprehend. "Ya nyee panee mayu", I told her. "Christian", she replied, and instructed me on the proper way to make the sign of the cross. I guess I must have slipped up and gone back to my habit of 40+ years. I mirrored her and thanked her and although, she seemed satisfied that I got it, she did not reveal even a glimpse of a smile. If I believed in reincarnation, she is my fourth grade teacher!!
Sunday, November 4th
We went to spend some time with Artyom and V today. Olga picked us up at 11:00 and we headed to Gorlovka Hope. Were greeted by two boys with big smiles and hugs for mama and papa. With soccer ball in hand, they were ready to go outside to show there talents. Papa conveyed he would have to be benched as he had a sore ankle from a previous run in with a nasty pothole. Artyom said it was o.k. and he would play with V. After a bit I asked V if he would like to invite his best friend, Sasha to play with them. He ran to get him but the caretaker said Sasha could not be outside unsupervised without orphanage staff. So we decided to go inside to playroom on the second floor. The room is very nice with colorful murals on the walls. Artyom appears in a few minutes and now Sasha also can join us. We all take our places on the floor to compete in a mean game of travel sized, magnetic Chutes and Ladders. Fortunately, there are six tokens so all of us can join in the fun. I had forgotten that this game can go on nearly as long as Monopoly. Well, mom wins again! I wonder if there is a professional league for this game (grin). The kids do not want to stop yet though, it is not truly over yet. The game continues until each person places. The game ends when there is only one on the board. I think I like this version, at least I think I do. Maybe the way the game really be is that the person who is the last on the board wins the game, which would be Olga and not me.
Next, the boys begin to hit the soccer ball back and forth with their hands. I decide an indoor game of European football would be fun and Artyom and I set up goals using vinyl building blocks. Sasha and V want to be on the same team. Since they are the two youngest in the room we let them choose who the third player on the team is. Wisely, they choose Papa. So it is Artyom, Olga and I. Since I am not the most athletic human being ( big understatement) and Olga and Artyom are gifted in this area, I conclude that the teams are fairly balanced. Papa’s team scores the first goal and this seems to create a spark in Artyom and Olga’s eyes. We all are having a great and our team is really racking up the points, in fact considering the dimensions of the field, I am playing great defense and even made a couple of passes, resulting in a goal. Suddenly, our game comes to an end. Nothing terrible, painful or tragic, but I have to plead the fifth. The caretaker is calling the children for lunch. We would take Sasha with us, but it is not allowed unless the Director is present and since it is the weekend Helen is not here. The caretaker’s are also apprehensive to let children not current process of adoption to accompany the family of friends, as they may somehow develop an attachment to the family and then be left behind broken hearted. We hope all of the children will soon have families coming for them. Gorlovka Hope is a good orphanage and the Director here does whatever she can personally to benefit these orphans and give them hope for a future.
We have all worked up an appetite and are going to take the boys to the Gorlovka style Chuck E. Cheese place. I will not order the same pizza that I did last time! The boys will really enjoy it though.
Artyom and V ran off to play on the indoor playground. Shortly thereafter, Artyom was kicked out though because he was too big. Not to worry, there is an air hockey game and we will set him up. They do not have all of the rip-off coin operated video games here though. Thank God! Food is very inexpensive here too. Our meal: 3 large pizza’s, 5 cokes plus games about $18.00.
We had a nice conversation with Olga interpreting. V is becoming more comfortable and talking much more now. It occurred to me that they may not have winter jackets to wear home. The children do have a few personal belongings that they can keep such as the gifts they were given while being hosted that they brought to Ukraine with them. Otherwise the clothing is "community property" and will be left at the orphanage. V tells us that his jacket, jeans and shoes are from France when he was hosted there last year. So he is good on a few things but I will need to take him and buy a few items for the trip back home as the clothing I brought, intended for Igor is too small and will only fit Zhengna or our Nick next year. I packed Artyom everything except a winter jacket so we will stop and get him one too.
We headed back to the orphanage to drop off the boys and will make a quick stop to check e-mail. The boys asked us if they could have some money to buy some candy at the store across from the orphanage. They have never asked for money or anything until this point. Sounds like they really are our sons now!!
Monday, November 5 , 2007
My entry for today should have been my longest if I were to express all that occurred, but for now I will just summarize and maybe can revisit it once I mentally decompress.
Our driver today is "Va-lare- ra", he is my favorite. Although today he drove unusually fast and on our way home hit a dog. (Cry) He tried to avoid it by swerving, but it was to late. You could tell he felt badly, and I could make out that Angelina commented that it probably belonged to a Babushka.
Mark was overcome by car sickness again and I was able to avoid it this time. We have to get him a remedy next trip to Torez. We stopped by the orphanage to pick up another document and then off to the court. We began our hearing at approx. 11:00am and it lasted until 12:30pm. Angelina said it was the longest adoption court hearing she had ever been to. Present in the court was the judge, 2 randomly appointed jurors, the "prosecutor", 2 social workers, one representing the Guardianship Council of Torez and one representing the orphanage, our translator, and much, much more, Angelina and of course, us. Z is not required to be present because of his medical status. I am not going to elabortate on the details at this time because I would have a novel completed if I did. The most important thing is that the court found favor and ruled for us to adopt Zhengna. As of today he is now legally named, Christopher Eugen Wollschlager. The 10-day waiting period begins and the judge also suggests we can come on the 9th day, which is a Thursday to pick up the court decree , considering we might have a need to accomplish something on the last business day of the week. She is kind to do so.
We went back to Torez and Alexander, the Director had left word for the social worker to provide Angelina and us with names and information on other available children. He also gave his permission for us to take photos and video of this children to assist us in finding families for them. This is a day in history for this orphanage and for the Wollschlager family. As we were brought through the many corridors of the orphanage at Torez that we had not yet seen, I seemed surreal. I bound up my emotions to be able to function at a level at which I would not crumble like a pile of ash on the ground. After all these children were the heroes and living Saints living in this deplorable building, dark and dingy, visibly forgotten. For who’s sake has this been done? Again, I cannot speak of it all right now.
Mark and I return to Z’s room and kiss his forehead telling him papa and mama will be back to bring him home. But does he get it? I don’t even begin to get it! He is now our son and we are leaving him here for another 9 days. Please God keep him well. We are so grateful to the donor that renovated the wing of the orphanage where Z and other small non-ambulatory children spend their lives. It is a peaceful sanctuary, in comparison to the rest of this Institution. I can only reason that there is yet another purpose mandating us to leave our son here and return another day. A purpose, right now that is beyond my comprehension.
Confessions of a Mama
I have to admit, if I could stand the taste of alcohol I would be on a rapid trek right now to the market for one of those Ukrainian beers Mark has been boasting about. What does it matter, cognac, vodka etc... but the truth is I cannot stand the stuff or how it would make me feel. "Maybe the sleep aid my physician gave me for the long International flight", my thoughts persist. If I could have a good hardy cry even, but nothing is rising up. Just a blur of the faces of the children bed after bed, room after room. Why God? What will you do? What can anyone do? The sadness is overcoming me, so much that I want to crawl right into that cozy warm bed and close my eyes and pretend its existence is not true. Searching my soul for some sense, my weak and selfish flesh cannot fathom what these children dream of. Where are there families? Who has done this to them? There is no human voice which replies, just silence in my head.
This morning Olga is taking me to the hospital laboratory to have my pro-time taken. It was too high before I left the states, and I held back my coumadin for 2 days, but needed to have it re-checked the first week we were here. We did not have a moment in Kyiv to do so. We have been praying that all is well and I have been feeling fine. Olga’s mother is a doctor at the hospital and is going to meet us there and order the test.
When we arrive Olga’s mother has her tell me that I should not worry about safety in the lab and that everything is new and clean. Well, that is a relief. I watched the technician open a sealed needle before she speared me with it! There needles are much thicker over here and the alcohol at least 200 proof!! The technician sported an interesting hat. It reminded me of an extra tall chef’s hat. "My results would be ready in 30 minutes", I was told. Pretty impressive for a Saturday too. We waited for the number hoping it was where it needed to be. Ukraine also uses a different scale for measuring results, but the technician assured me she would obtain the proper numbers based on INR. We got the results, 3.6 - just fine and within the desired range. Mark was very relieved, and so was I.
We went to the Internet café to get some things accomplished and then to the market to pick up a few things to make pasta for dinner. We had a late lunch,early dinner and then took a taxi to the Orthodox Church of St. Nicholas. It is not too far from our apartment, but too far to walk in the dark. When we arrived I thought that the church must be closed because it was not well lit outside and maybe 2 cars in the side parking lot. As we approached the entrance gates, a man waved us in to the church. I paused to take a photo of the front door, it was already too dark for me to get a clear image of the full dome and steeple. When we entered the church we discovered evening services had begun and there were many people already present. It finally dawned on me that unless you are a taxi driver or personal driver, people in Ukraine either walk, take a bus or hire a taxi to get to their destination. Ah! That is why it appeared, in my perception, no one was present at the church.
Orthodox Cathedrals are some of the the most artistically ornate and richly set in traditions that I have ever seen. No kneelers or pews to sit in (unless you are very elderly or visibly frail, then there are a few chairs on the sidelines) The service began at 3:00pm and it is now around 5:00. It will go on until around 6 or 7. People young and old continue to assemble in the sanctuary. Many, clearly coming in on their way home from work. The gentleman that had waved us in, begins to speak to me in Ukranian or Russian. Either one, I am not sure what he asks, so I tell him in Russian one of the phrases I have mastered well, "I do not understand Russian". He quickly disappears into the growing crowd and in a few moments, arrives to us with a young woman who states that she can help us if we wish, as she understands and speaks a little English. I thanked her for her kindness and told her we would just observe quietly and that we will come to get her if we need more help.
We made our way off to the right hand corner of the back of the church. The nice gentleman was standing next to us, observing our participation in the service. I made sure that I watched the Babushka’s in front of me to know when and how to make the sign of the cross. When making the sign of the cross, the Orthodox Christian touches the right shoulder before the left when speaking "and the Holy Spirit", rather than the left and then the right, as we do in the Roman Catholic Rite. The sign is also repeated 3 times in a row at many times during the service so there is plenty of opportunity to practice! I wonder what God thinks about all of these rules and formalities we have placed on trying to show our respect for him. I am just as guilty as the next. Though I am so grateful that my salvation is not dependent on how I sign myself, this beautiful, holy place with humble hearts abound and sincere prayers carried up to the heavens with the sweet aroma of incense, fills me with peace.
Soon another woman smiling approaches me speaking English and states that she teaches at the Institute for Foreign Language and would we like to have her help? "I can help you buy something if you would like", pointing around the corner to the gift counter. Yes, we would like to purchase candles and prayer cards of Saint Nicholas", I told her. Her name is Helene, at least I think so, as she said her name with a heavy accent. She asked us what our names were and where we were from. "What brought us here to Gorlovka?" I responded with all of answers she inquired of. She asked us if we already had children and why did we want to adopt? (The concept of adoption, especially if one has already been blessed with birth children, is still very puzzling in this culture). She asked us if she would like to make a petition of prayer and she would write it for us and then the priest prays over all of them at the given time. Yes, Please! Helene drew a little cross on top of the paper and printed our names. She laid it in a basket filled with petitions and then placed a miniature loaf of bread on the top of it. Mark observed that the little loaf resembled a roasted marshmallow .
Helene explained to me that the man who greeted us when we arrived liked us and was the one expressing interest in where we were from and what brought us here. He also offered to show us the best view of the Cathedral, if we wanted to take photographs. Helene told us that she was going to the Monastery for a couple of days but wanted to invite us to her home if we were still going to be here later in the week. So we gave her our number to call.
We were ready to leave, it had been a long day. We stepped outside and called Olga to send a taxi for us. Our new gentleman friend, followed us out and waved us towards the back of the Cathedral. Although it is too dark to get every detail, this is certainly the best view. I still took a few pictures to thank him for the direction. We were about to go to the parking area to wait for our taxi as they are very quick to respond. But, the man beckoned us back into the church. We could see that it was important and we needed to be quick. As we entered the sanctuary, the priest were beginning a procession down the center isle and towards our direction. The man smiled, gesturing us to back up into the line and off to the sides. The priests came around the people bearing a very large and ornate incensor and blessing the congregation. The clergy passed back through and the people resumed their places, facing the altar. Mark and I headed back to the exit , but before I could get to steps a woman (at least 15 years younger than me) stopped me , tilting her head closer to mine and speaking softly something that I could not comprehend. "Ya nyee panee mayu", I told her. "Christian", she replied, and instructed me on the proper way to make the sign of the cross. I guess I must have slipped up and gone back to my habit of 40+ years. I mirrored her and thanked her and although, she seemed satisfied that I got it, she did not reveal even a glimpse of a smile. If I believed in reincarnation, she is my fourth grade teacher!!
Sunday, November 4th
We went to spend some time with Artyom and V today. Olga picked us up at 11:00 and we headed to Gorlovka Hope. Were greeted by two boys with big smiles and hugs for mama and papa. With soccer ball in hand, they were ready to go outside to show there talents. Papa conveyed he would have to be benched as he had a sore ankle from a previous run in with a nasty pothole. Artyom said it was o.k. and he would play with V. After a bit I asked V if he would like to invite his best friend, Sasha to play with them. He ran to get him but the caretaker said Sasha could not be outside unsupervised without orphanage staff. So we decided to go inside to playroom on the second floor. The room is very nice with colorful murals on the walls. Artyom appears in a few minutes and now Sasha also can join us. We all take our places on the floor to compete in a mean game of travel sized, magnetic Chutes and Ladders. Fortunately, there are six tokens so all of us can join in the fun. I had forgotten that this game can go on nearly as long as Monopoly. Well, mom wins again! I wonder if there is a professional league for this game (grin). The kids do not want to stop yet though, it is not truly over yet. The game continues until each person places. The game ends when there is only one on the board. I think I like this version, at least I think I do. Maybe the way the game really be is that the person who is the last on the board wins the game, which would be Olga and not me.
Next, the boys begin to hit the soccer ball back and forth with their hands. I decide an indoor game of European football would be fun and Artyom and I set up goals using vinyl building blocks. Sasha and V want to be on the same team. Since they are the two youngest in the room we let them choose who the third player on the team is. Wisely, they choose Papa. So it is Artyom, Olga and I. Since I am not the most athletic human being ( big understatement) and Olga and Artyom are gifted in this area, I conclude that the teams are fairly balanced. Papa’s team scores the first goal and this seems to create a spark in Artyom and Olga’s eyes. We all are having a great and our team is really racking up the points, in fact considering the dimensions of the field, I am playing great defense and even made a couple of passes, resulting in a goal. Suddenly, our game comes to an end. Nothing terrible, painful or tragic, but I have to plead the fifth. The caretaker is calling the children for lunch. We would take Sasha with us, but it is not allowed unless the Director is present and since it is the weekend Helen is not here. The caretaker’s are also apprehensive to let children not current process of adoption to accompany the family of friends, as they may somehow develop an attachment to the family and then be left behind broken hearted. We hope all of the children will soon have families coming for them. Gorlovka Hope is a good orphanage and the Director here does whatever she can personally to benefit these orphans and give them hope for a future.
We have all worked up an appetite and are going to take the boys to the Gorlovka style Chuck E. Cheese place. I will not order the same pizza that I did last time! The boys will really enjoy it though.
Artyom and V ran off to play on the indoor playground. Shortly thereafter, Artyom was kicked out though because he was too big. Not to worry, there is an air hockey game and we will set him up. They do not have all of the rip-off coin operated video games here though. Thank God! Food is very inexpensive here too. Our meal: 3 large pizza’s, 5 cokes plus games about $18.00.
We had a nice conversation with Olga interpreting. V is becoming more comfortable and talking much more now. It occurred to me that they may not have winter jackets to wear home. The children do have a few personal belongings that they can keep such as the gifts they were given while being hosted that they brought to Ukraine with them. Otherwise the clothing is "community property" and will be left at the orphanage. V tells us that his jacket, jeans and shoes are from France when he was hosted there last year. So he is good on a few things but I will need to take him and buy a few items for the trip back home as the clothing I brought, intended for Igor is too small and will only fit Zhengna or our Nick next year. I packed Artyom everything except a winter jacket so we will stop and get him one too.
We headed back to the orphanage to drop off the boys and will make a quick stop to check e-mail. The boys asked us if they could have some money to buy some candy at the store across from the orphanage. They have never asked for money or anything until this point. Sounds like they really are our sons now!!
Monday, November 5 , 2007
My entry for today should have been my longest if I were to express all that occurred, but for now I will just summarize and maybe can revisit it once I mentally decompress.
Our driver today is "Va-lare- ra", he is my favorite. Although today he drove unusually fast and on our way home hit a dog. (Cry) He tried to avoid it by swerving, but it was to late. You could tell he felt badly, and I could make out that Angelina commented that it probably belonged to a Babushka.
Mark was overcome by car sickness again and I was able to avoid it this time. We have to get him a remedy next trip to Torez. We stopped by the orphanage to pick up another document and then off to the court. We began our hearing at approx. 11:00am and it lasted until 12:30pm. Angelina said it was the longest adoption court hearing she had ever been to. Present in the court was the judge, 2 randomly appointed jurors, the "prosecutor", 2 social workers, one representing the Guardianship Council of Torez and one representing the orphanage, our translator, and much, much more, Angelina and of course, us. Z is not required to be present because of his medical status. I am not going to elabortate on the details at this time because I would have a novel completed if I did. The most important thing is that the court found favor and ruled for us to adopt Zhengna. As of today he is now legally named, Christopher Eugen Wollschlager. The 10-day waiting period begins and the judge also suggests we can come on the 9th day, which is a Thursday to pick up the court decree , considering we might have a need to accomplish something on the last business day of the week. She is kind to do so.
We went back to Torez and Alexander, the Director had left word for the social worker to provide Angelina and us with names and information on other available children. He also gave his permission for us to take photos and video of this children to assist us in finding families for them. This is a day in history for this orphanage and for the Wollschlager family. As we were brought through the many corridors of the orphanage at Torez that we had not yet seen, I seemed surreal. I bound up my emotions to be able to function at a level at which I would not crumble like a pile of ash on the ground. After all these children were the heroes and living Saints living in this deplorable building, dark and dingy, visibly forgotten. For who’s sake has this been done? Again, I cannot speak of it all right now.
Mark and I return to Z’s room and kiss his forehead telling him papa and mama will be back to bring him home. But does he get it? I don’t even begin to get it! He is now our son and we are leaving him here for another 9 days. Please God keep him well. We are so grateful to the donor that renovated the wing of the orphanage where Z and other small non-ambulatory children spend their lives. It is a peaceful sanctuary, in comparison to the rest of this Institution. I can only reason that there is yet another purpose mandating us to leave our son here and return another day. A purpose, right now that is beyond my comprehension.
Confessions of a Mama
I have to admit, if I could stand the taste of alcohol I would be on a rapid trek right now to the market for one of those Ukrainian beers Mark has been boasting about. What does it matter, cognac, vodka etc... but the truth is I cannot stand the stuff or how it would make me feel. "Maybe the sleep aid my physician gave me for the long International flight", my thoughts persist. If I could have a good hardy cry even, but nothing is rising up. Just a blur of the faces of the children bed after bed, room after room. Why God? What will you do? What can anyone do? The sadness is overcoming me, so much that I want to crawl right into that cozy warm bed and close my eyes and pretend its existence is not true. Searching my soul for some sense, my weak and selfish flesh cannot fathom what these children dream of. Where are there families? Who has done this to them? There is no human voice which replies, just silence in my head.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
More Musings
Tuesday, October 30th
Today we went to Torez to see Zhengna. First though, we had to go to the Guardianship Council once again. The Deputy Director in charge of all of the children in Torez’ welfare system wished to interview us now. She did not the first day we visited him because nobody here really though we were serious about parenting Zhengna, nor did they believe for a second that we would still feel this way after we had seen him. Just as the Director in Gorlovka, this woman seemed truly concerned and definitely curious about our desire to adopt a child with special needs. She first stated that, " this is new for their city and the first time a child is being considered from Torez Orphanage" . We discussed many of the same questions as in Gorlovka and also it gave us an opportunity to share of the opportunities that children with special needs have in the U.S.. Education and a variety of therapies to improve the child’s independence and participation in the mainstream of society is provided under the law. To think that less then 50 years ago, the history and fate of child with a disability, was the same in America as it is here in Ukraine and still, in many parts of the world, makes me very sad on one hand, but hopeful on the other that Ukraine’s history will progress to the same degree in time. Our meeting with the Deputy Director was positive and yielded the results we prayed for, her support. We all were relieved to tears, including the Director.
The drive to Torez was even bumpier today. Our new driver would do well at Nascar. Mark and I both suffered with car sickness. There are huge craters in the road and I am amazed that we didn’t blow out a tire or more! I am going to request our first driver who at least had a reasonable speed (there is no speed limit observed here, even if there is one posted) when we leave Torez with Z.
When we got to Z. I noticed he had been crying and the tears were still sliding down his cheeks. He brightened up and smiled when we got there. I wish he could have told me why he was sad. We had a good visit. I brought a picture book and we took out his ball we brought on our first visit. His caretaker showed us where he had either picked or chewed the ball (it was easy to do as it was a nerf ball). No one has ever taught him how to play! Certain things do not come naturally after all. With all of his new family though, that is going to change! He really is interested in Mark. He is always searching for his position and that he is near his side. His eyes are beautiful, clear and so expressive. Z. Is really such a handsome little boy. I brought crayons and a coloring book today, but Z. was more interested in looking at Papa then coloring, so I shared with two of the other boys that were thrilled to color and did it well.
I took some video today and had a little model on my hands too. A real cutie, I have to get his name. He is one of 3 boys in this room that have Down Syndrome. All very tiny for their age.
I went to the second "lying down" room across the hall and tried to find Igor to interact with him and take photos and video, but he was missing from his bed. We did not have our translator with us today and so I could not communicate my question about his whereabouts. The caretaker made a charade resembling a person writing on a notebook. We will inquire our next visit if he is still not there. I will close for now. Our trips to Torez are tough. This is a sad place. We asked Olga to take us to one of the 2 pizza places she recommended. It resembled a small Chuck E. Cheese. There was a child’s birthday party going on and they were dancing with the Madagascar characters. They were playing a few party games and one that I really liked and had not seen before. There were two teams of children. Two dining type chairs were placed several feet in front of them and the first child in line was given a colorful ribbon to run and tie quickly onto the back of the chair, then that child would run back and the next child followed, relay style. Oh, the music had also been started to begin the relay. Then, when the music was stopped, the ribbons on each chair were counted and the team that tied the most were the winners.
We ordered a vegetable pizza and a pizza with cheese and tomatoes. The veggie pizza had a white sauce, similar to an Alfredo. The vegetables on it were broccoli, corn, red peppers, mushrooms, black olives. The first 2 pieces tasted pretty good since I was hungry. The third piece turned out to be a big mistake, and I was nauseous for the rest of the night. I guess for me, we won’t be back here again. Mark and Olga thought it was great! I went home and laid down while Mark went to the market for a quick trip. He said I was asleep before he got back. I do not remember anything, just waking up the next morning feeling like a new person.
Wednesday, October 31st
We went to see Artyom and Volodymyr today at about 1:00. Before we went I wanted to get the boys some puzzles and a soccer ball to play with their friends. There is a small toy store near the Internet Café. Very reasonable. We bought 4 puzzles, a soccer ball, and a really nice felt board with shapes and colors for Z. All totaled, $24.00- not bad at all!
Artyom was very talkative today. He was telling Olga about all of the things he enjoyed doing at our home last year. He said he remembered a movie his sister, Neena took him to and was trying to recall the title. When I reminded him it was Night at the Museum starring Ben Stiller, he smiled and commented how funny it was and that he liked it a lot. We told him now we have it on DVD and he can watch it again whenever he wants when we get back home. We asked the boys if they would like to go for pizza and coke at the Italian restaurant, NOT the Chuck E. Cheese style, PLEASE !! The suggestion was a hit and off we went. I decided to stay clear of the pizza, even though it was a new place. I ordered a cucumber and tomato salad with oil dressing (one of my favorites in Ukraine) and Spaghetti with tomato sauce. I am still a bit leery of ordering meat, even though Mark never seems to have an issue with it. The dinner proves to be delicious! The desserts here in Eastern Europe are to die for! I am passing tonight, since I am full, but Mark and the boys are all for it. An interesting thing here in Ukraine, one can order a chocolate bar for dessert. Artyom has ordered one to take back to the orphanage for his best friend, Sergey. Andy told us his best friend is Sasha (A nickname for Alexander), but we have yet to meet him. Olga was asking V. About his likes and dislikes concerning, food, games, sports etc.. but Artyom was so talkative, that V did not say much tonight.
The boys asked us if we had any chewing gum. I actually had gotten some at the market earlier, but did not bring it. I saw a really cute commercial for Hubba Bubba gum the day before and I told Mark I liked the ad so much that I got sucked in to the marketing. Please do not tell my children this! When we asked the boys what their favorite kind of gum was......Hubba Bubba, of course. Artyom likes strawberry and V likes watermelon. I cannot wait to find out what Zhengna likes.
We had a great afternoon and took the boys back to the orphanage. They have been on fall holiday since Monday and will return to school tomorrow. If we visit tomorrow, it will be after 2:00. Each day is a new adventure and we usually do not know what it may bring until we are present in it.
Thursday, November 1st
We are going to the Internet café today to hook up our laptop and download photos and my journal. We did not know last week that we could do this, as we were misinformed. We were there for 4 hours working and trying to get communications out. There are still so many we wish to connect with, but I cannot type as fast as I would like. I’ll be back tomorrow if time allows.
We are off to Gorlovka Hope and have stopped to get a second soccer ball for the boys since they are on different floors of the orphanage and have to play within their age groups when they are outside. We let them know that they will be leaving the soccer balls with their friends as we have plenty of balls for every sport at home.
We did not have our interpreters with us today, but thankfully, Helen was still at the orphanage. We went to a play room with the boys and watched some of the movie Cars on our laptop. I asked the boys if they wanted to eat (one of the phrases I have mastered in Russian) Da! Yes! So we called Helen as she was our English connection and had already left. She notified the man in charge at the security office and told him we were permitted to take the boys to the café.
When we arrived at the café Mark and I decided on what we wanted to eat, sticking to our usual, as there are no English menus ( A suggestion I am going to make to the manager before we leave Gorlovka, since we are his regular customers, maybe he will go for it). I phoned Olga and she ordered for Mark and I and Artyom ordered for the boys. Boy, I better learn what we are ordering here , what was I thinking? He ordered ice cream for his entree . I know this word, I guess I wasn’t listening. After ma-roszh-na, they ordered french fries for dessert!! O.K., I know that this is a very special treat for these kids, but this is becoming a replacement for healthy choices. I am going to have to lay down the mommy law!! I feel the food police within me screaming for justice!!
Friday, November 3rd
We have a court date in Torez!! It will be Monday, Nov. 5th at 10:30am. Our judge is a woman and Angelina said she was very nice and professional.
Yesterday and this evening I hit a wall of sadness. I am very homesick and really miss my children at home. I guess I knew this part would be difficult and an adjustment, but I could not have imagined how much. I am very sensitive about everything but when I am out of my comfort zone and in public I hold it in. As soon as I feel safe enough back at the apartment, I deflate like and overexpanded balloon and the tears come by the bucket full. We have not had as much consistent activity as we did in Kyiv everyday. The schedule is more sporadic here so I’m sure the extra time on my hands to think about every detail is exacerbating my emotions. At least this is Mark’s theory.
Helen and Angelina have discussed our meeting the older siblings of Artyom and they have concluded that we will not be meeting them and they will obtain the consent that they must have for the Guardianship Council in order to proceed and get a court date. There are many aspects of International adoption that are still a mystery and I believe unless we are personally a part of their system and culture, these things will remain as such.
Today we went to Torez to see Zhengna. First though, we had to go to the Guardianship Council once again. The Deputy Director in charge of all of the children in Torez’ welfare system wished to interview us now. She did not the first day we visited him because nobody here really though we were serious about parenting Zhengna, nor did they believe for a second that we would still feel this way after we had seen him. Just as the Director in Gorlovka, this woman seemed truly concerned and definitely curious about our desire to adopt a child with special needs. She first stated that, " this is new for their city and the first time a child is being considered from Torez Orphanage" . We discussed many of the same questions as in Gorlovka and also it gave us an opportunity to share of the opportunities that children with special needs have in the U.S.. Education and a variety of therapies to improve the child’s independence and participation in the mainstream of society is provided under the law. To think that less then 50 years ago, the history and fate of child with a disability, was the same in America as it is here in Ukraine and still, in many parts of the world, makes me very sad on one hand, but hopeful on the other that Ukraine’s history will progress to the same degree in time. Our meeting with the Deputy Director was positive and yielded the results we prayed for, her support. We all were relieved to tears, including the Director.
The drive to Torez was even bumpier today. Our new driver would do well at Nascar. Mark and I both suffered with car sickness. There are huge craters in the road and I am amazed that we didn’t blow out a tire or more! I am going to request our first driver who at least had a reasonable speed (there is no speed limit observed here, even if there is one posted) when we leave Torez with Z.
When we got to Z. I noticed he had been crying and the tears were still sliding down his cheeks. He brightened up and smiled when we got there. I wish he could have told me why he was sad. We had a good visit. I brought a picture book and we took out his ball we brought on our first visit. His caretaker showed us where he had either picked or chewed the ball (it was easy to do as it was a nerf ball). No one has ever taught him how to play! Certain things do not come naturally after all. With all of his new family though, that is going to change! He really is interested in Mark. He is always searching for his position and that he is near his side. His eyes are beautiful, clear and so expressive. Z. Is really such a handsome little boy. I brought crayons and a coloring book today, but Z. was more interested in looking at Papa then coloring, so I shared with two of the other boys that were thrilled to color and did it well.
I took some video today and had a little model on my hands too. A real cutie, I have to get his name. He is one of 3 boys in this room that have Down Syndrome. All very tiny for their age.
I went to the second "lying down" room across the hall and tried to find Igor to interact with him and take photos and video, but he was missing from his bed. We did not have our translator with us today and so I could not communicate my question about his whereabouts. The caretaker made a charade resembling a person writing on a notebook. We will inquire our next visit if he is still not there. I will close for now. Our trips to Torez are tough. This is a sad place. We asked Olga to take us to one of the 2 pizza places she recommended. It resembled a small Chuck E. Cheese. There was a child’s birthday party going on and they were dancing with the Madagascar characters. They were playing a few party games and one that I really liked and had not seen before. There were two teams of children. Two dining type chairs were placed several feet in front of them and the first child in line was given a colorful ribbon to run and tie quickly onto the back of the chair, then that child would run back and the next child followed, relay style. Oh, the music had also been started to begin the relay. Then, when the music was stopped, the ribbons on each chair were counted and the team that tied the most were the winners.
We ordered a vegetable pizza and a pizza with cheese and tomatoes. The veggie pizza had a white sauce, similar to an Alfredo. The vegetables on it were broccoli, corn, red peppers, mushrooms, black olives. The first 2 pieces tasted pretty good since I was hungry. The third piece turned out to be a big mistake, and I was nauseous for the rest of the night. I guess for me, we won’t be back here again. Mark and Olga thought it was great! I went home and laid down while Mark went to the market for a quick trip. He said I was asleep before he got back. I do not remember anything, just waking up the next morning feeling like a new person.
Wednesday, October 31st
We went to see Artyom and Volodymyr today at about 1:00. Before we went I wanted to get the boys some puzzles and a soccer ball to play with their friends. There is a small toy store near the Internet Café. Very reasonable. We bought 4 puzzles, a soccer ball, and a really nice felt board with shapes and colors for Z. All totaled, $24.00- not bad at all!
Artyom was very talkative today. He was telling Olga about all of the things he enjoyed doing at our home last year. He said he remembered a movie his sister, Neena took him to and was trying to recall the title. When I reminded him it was Night at the Museum starring Ben Stiller, he smiled and commented how funny it was and that he liked it a lot. We told him now we have it on DVD and he can watch it again whenever he wants when we get back home. We asked the boys if they would like to go for pizza and coke at the Italian restaurant, NOT the Chuck E. Cheese style, PLEASE !! The suggestion was a hit and off we went. I decided to stay clear of the pizza, even though it was a new place. I ordered a cucumber and tomato salad with oil dressing (one of my favorites in Ukraine) and Spaghetti with tomato sauce. I am still a bit leery of ordering meat, even though Mark never seems to have an issue with it. The dinner proves to be delicious! The desserts here in Eastern Europe are to die for! I am passing tonight, since I am full, but Mark and the boys are all for it. An interesting thing here in Ukraine, one can order a chocolate bar for dessert. Artyom has ordered one to take back to the orphanage for his best friend, Sergey. Andy told us his best friend is Sasha (A nickname for Alexander), but we have yet to meet him. Olga was asking V. About his likes and dislikes concerning, food, games, sports etc.. but Artyom was so talkative, that V did not say much tonight.
The boys asked us if we had any chewing gum. I actually had gotten some at the market earlier, but did not bring it. I saw a really cute commercial for Hubba Bubba gum the day before and I told Mark I liked the ad so much that I got sucked in to the marketing. Please do not tell my children this! When we asked the boys what their favorite kind of gum was......Hubba Bubba, of course. Artyom likes strawberry and V likes watermelon. I cannot wait to find out what Zhengna likes.
We had a great afternoon and took the boys back to the orphanage. They have been on fall holiday since Monday and will return to school tomorrow. If we visit tomorrow, it will be after 2:00. Each day is a new adventure and we usually do not know what it may bring until we are present in it.
Thursday, November 1st
We are going to the Internet café today to hook up our laptop and download photos and my journal. We did not know last week that we could do this, as we were misinformed. We were there for 4 hours working and trying to get communications out. There are still so many we wish to connect with, but I cannot type as fast as I would like. I’ll be back tomorrow if time allows.
We are off to Gorlovka Hope and have stopped to get a second soccer ball for the boys since they are on different floors of the orphanage and have to play within their age groups when they are outside. We let them know that they will be leaving the soccer balls with their friends as we have plenty of balls for every sport at home.
We did not have our interpreters with us today, but thankfully, Helen was still at the orphanage. We went to a play room with the boys and watched some of the movie Cars on our laptop. I asked the boys if they wanted to eat (one of the phrases I have mastered in Russian) Da! Yes! So we called Helen as she was our English connection and had already left. She notified the man in charge at the security office and told him we were permitted to take the boys to the café.
When we arrived at the café Mark and I decided on what we wanted to eat, sticking to our usual, as there are no English menus ( A suggestion I am going to make to the manager before we leave Gorlovka, since we are his regular customers, maybe he will go for it). I phoned Olga and she ordered for Mark and I and Artyom ordered for the boys. Boy, I better learn what we are ordering here , what was I thinking? He ordered ice cream for his entree . I know this word, I guess I wasn’t listening. After ma-roszh-na, they ordered french fries for dessert!! O.K., I know that this is a very special treat for these kids, but this is becoming a replacement for healthy choices. I am going to have to lay down the mommy law!! I feel the food police within me screaming for justice!!
Friday, November 3rd
We have a court date in Torez!! It will be Monday, Nov. 5th at 10:30am. Our judge is a woman and Angelina said she was very nice and professional.
Yesterday and this evening I hit a wall of sadness. I am very homesick and really miss my children at home. I guess I knew this part would be difficult and an adjustment, but I could not have imagined how much. I am very sensitive about everything but when I am out of my comfort zone and in public I hold it in. As soon as I feel safe enough back at the apartment, I deflate like and overexpanded balloon and the tears come by the bucket full. We have not had as much consistent activity as we did in Kyiv everyday. The schedule is more sporadic here so I’m sure the extra time on my hands to think about every detail is exacerbating my emotions. At least this is Mark’s theory.
Helen and Angelina have discussed our meeting the older siblings of Artyom and they have concluded that we will not be meeting them and they will obtain the consent that they must have for the Guardianship Council in order to proceed and get a court date. There are many aspects of International adoption that are still a mystery and I believe unless we are personally a part of their system and culture, these things will remain as such.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The first in a series of Mama musings
Sorry we have been missing in action for several days, or so it seems to me. I ask Mark each morning, what day is it and what time is it at home. (My brain seems to have lost its charge for subtracting by 7 with any speed). I’m so happy that at least for several hours, Ukraine and home are participating in the same day. T.G. I.F.!!!!!
Our time in Kyiv was very nice and except for the fact that we are both missing our children at home so much, we are enjoying this time together. For the couples back home who never seem to find the time for a special date night........try International Adoption. You will have a care giver for your children who loves them as much as you do, and until your court date when you take custody of your additional child/ren, you will have many date nights to make up for all of those you did not get, included in the price! Just kidding!!!!! Really though, this is such an emotional experience that having your best friend spend it with you is the only way to go. I am so grateful for the gift of marriage and my wonderful husband. I pray that I never take either for granted.
We spent the day Tuesday with our new friends, Cindy and Michael Fischer, who are also adopting and have there appointment with the SDA on Wednesday as well. We walked at least 5 miles through the city and visited two Cathedrals, St. Volodymyr and Saint Sophia. Absolutely breath taking!! We stopped for some very yummy desserts and tea and the men had the Ukranian Beers they had both been "wanting to try". The waiter referred to the cheesecake I ordered as "American cheesecake". I can tell you we do not have this cheesecake in America in any restaurant I have been at. It was warm and smooth and ...........oh, I cannot do it justice with my efforts to describe how delicious it was.
Our time in Kyiv was very nice and except for the fact that we are both missing our children at home so much, we are enjoying this time together. For the couples back home who never seem to find the time for a special date night........try International Adoption. You will have a care giver for your children who loves them as much as you do, and until your court date when you take custody of your additional child/ren, you will have many date nights to make up for all of those you did not get, included in the price! Just kidding!!!!! Really though, this is such an emotional experience that having your best friend spend it with you is the only way to go. I am so grateful for the gift of marriage and my wonderful husband. I pray that I never take either for granted.
We spent the day Tuesday with our new friends, Cindy and Michael Fischer, who are also adopting and have there appointment with the SDA on Wednesday as well. We walked at least 5 miles through the city and visited two Cathedrals, St. Volodymyr and Saint Sophia. Absolutely breath taking!! We stopped for some very yummy desserts and tea and the men had the Ukranian Beers they had both been "wanting to try". The waiter referred to the cheesecake I ordered as "American cheesecake". I can tell you we do not have this cheesecake in America in any restaurant I have been at. It was warm and smooth and ...........oh, I cannot do it justice with my efforts to describe how delicious it was.
The delectable cheesecake was my reward for walking all of those miles on asphalt and cobblestone. I just had to wear my new boots, with the 2 ½ inch heels, not imagining that we were going to cover the distance we did. Bad decision! My ankles and toes are still aching. I am living in my flat tennis shoes, regardless if I look out of place! Thank God I threw my black flats in the suitcase at the last minute for court!,
We were able to talk to Charlie and Nick on Tuesday for the first time since we arrived. Trying to get a call home coordinated with the time difference was a bit of a challenge, but we finally succeeded. Mark was also able to get the Skype to work and talk to the boys a second time. We have to have High-Speed Internet in order for the voice over Skype to work, and we will not have this option in region tomorrow. We are not staying at the Donetsk Christian University as planned because the orphanages are in the opposite direction and would be very costly in transportation. Apparently, DCU has the best Internet connection. I never would have considered myself so dependent on technology , but not being able to make a connection with loved ones any time we wish has been a true reminder of how spoiled this generation of Americans really is. It is one thing to talk about our privileged society but to experience what the lack of these privileges is, even on a small scale, is humbling.
Today is Wednesday, October 24th the first of many big days. Our appointment with the SDA is at 2:00pm. Around 1:00, our coordinator dropped us off just a few blocks from the SDA while she made copies of documents. There were vendors on each side of the street selling souvenirs. Some of the most popular items were nesting dolls, traditional floral hair garlands (for little girls), Icons of Jesus, Mary and the saints of the Orthodox Church, such as Saint Nicholas, Saint Andrew, Saint Sophia, Soccer Jerseys and in the midst of rich Ukriane tradition, the still prevalent reminders of the Soviet Regime ..... T-shirts that sport phrases such as; McLenin’s (with the McDonald’s Arch and depiction of Lenin), "F***ing Revolution" with Lenin depiction, I love my AK-47, Stalin’s mug. Angelina commented that the young people that buy these items have no clue of what these dictators had done and just think these look "cool". If they only knew this is why the country is still in such oppression, would they be promoting them. Truth is, people are people, and no matter what country we live in there will be this kind of ignorance in motion.
The appointment with SDA took all of 10 minutes, if that. The "psychologist" confirmed that the children we wished to adopt were known and asked how we knew of them. Since Igor’s files were missing and this meant he was "unavailable" , we requested to meet another boy at Artyom’s orphanage that our coordinator spoke to us about earlier that morning. Now, we had to wait for the SDA to fax permissions to the governing authorities in each of the 2 towns we are going to. But our coordinator does not let any grass grow under her feet and does not want to lose a day. We wonder if she actually ever sleeps and we have yet to see her eat anything solid. We are grateful for her efficiency because that means she is working for us to be able to return home at the soonest possible date. This is not an easy task when you are dealing with a ton (and I mean, A TON) of bureaucracy!!
After our appointment, we were dropped off back at our hotel to wait for a few hours before taking the 11 hour train ride to Gorlovka. We walked to the mall on the next block and had another one of those yummy cheesecakes. I’m hooked for sure.
We are off to the train station for our 7pm ride on the rails. After we hustled through the station (keeping up with Angelina’s stealth stride is not easy) We boarded the train and packed our luggage into our sleeper. I assigned Mark to the top bunk. With two determined women in tow, he did not have a big choice. We sat up and talked about many topics from our children at home and extended family to history and yes, even religion and politics. We shared cookies, tea and coffee and enjoyed our time with Angelina, as we will not be spending much downtime with her once we step off this train. We understand that we are all on this mission together and Angelina is our General and in perpetual motion.
This train ride is again another first for me. I pray that I will not lose the courage to continue to experience new things in life. I actually slept off and on, although I remained aware of the tracks beneath that jostled us about in the night. Angelina told us that we are only allowed 2 minutes to get ourselves and luggage off the train so she arranged for her husband and driver with a big taxi van (rare in Ukraine) to be at the car and catch the baggage and wheelchair cocoon for Mark.
We are off to the train station for our 7pm ride on the rails. After we hustled through the station (keeping up with Angelina’s stealth stride is not easy) We boarded the train and packed our luggage into our sleeper. I assigned Mark to the top bunk. With two determined women in tow, he did not have a big choice. We sat up and talked about many topics from our children at home and extended family to history and yes, even religion and politics. We shared cookies, tea and coffee and enjoyed our time with Angelina, as we will not be spending much downtime with her once we step off this train. We understand that we are all on this mission together and Angelina is our General and in perpetual motion.
This train ride is again another first for me. I pray that I will not lose the courage to continue to experience new things in life. I actually slept off and on, although I remained aware of the tracks beneath that jostled us about in the night. Angelina told us that we are only allowed 2 minutes to get ourselves and luggage off the train so she arranged for her husband and driver with a big taxi van (rare in Ukraine) to be at the car and catch the baggage and wheelchair cocoon for Mark.
When we arrived at the station in Gorlovka and the wagon door was opened, there were the two men waiting with urgent anticipation. "See, they are afraid of me" our General said, in a kind voice, smiling warmly and adding a school girl giggle.
We were brought to our new temporary apartment home and greeted by the housekeeper, Anna. I think I’m going to really like this first! She showed us how to get hot water as the apartment has a tankless water heater. Shamefully, this city girl was totally clueless! Not any more! We are actually living in luxury in the apartment. Hot water is still very rare outside of Kyiv. Without hot water, I would immediately join the ranks of limited bathing. The cold water is painful!!
If you lost track, it is now Thursday. I am still not coherent with reference to day and time. First stop will be the Guardianship Council office in Torez. This is an authority similar to our Department of Children and Family Services. Here Angelina will request permission for us to visit Zhengya at the special needs orphanage. Torez is rural and about an hour drive from Gorlovka.
The best way to describe the ride to Torez was very, very bumpy. So bumpy in fact that it was difficult to keep my eyes open at all. I think I can finally truly relate to how the babies feel when we pat their little bottoms to get them to fall asleep!
We first stopped at the Guardianship Council’s office in Ukraine to request permission to visit Zhengya (Christopher). A social worker from this office must accompany us on the first visit to observe our interaction with him and determine if he desires to be adopted. This is the "law", but our case is also unique in that Zhengya cannot speak his desires. Angelina said that this is something she will fight. I asked her if the social worker can accept another form of expression to determine a "connection". "We will see", Angelina, responds. I am not concerned because I know that if we are really suppose to bring this little boy home, then it will happen by Divine intervention.
We arrived at the orphanage and it was like the hundreds of other buildings along the way in poor repair. An anonymous donor renovated the wing of the orphanage that the bed ridden children are confined to. It was quite nice, bright, fresh and clean in contrast to the rest of the building which was dark and dismal and smelled of diesel fuel.
All eyes were on us as we approached the room of our future son. All of the fragile little children tucked in their beds, the place they will likely spend their remaining days and nights, unless more family’s with willing hearts are beckoned soon. All of the children looked well attended despite the lack of therapy, education and other activities that every child needs to thrive and grow. These children are not considered worthy of an education due to their physical or mental differences. One has to detach emotionally in order to be present in this room and not diminish into a pile of mush. I was on a mission to prove that this child had value beyond his seemingly limited capabilities. I knew if I was going to connect with Zhengya I must reveal the truth of my soul to him in our first meeting. It seemed easy and natural to close out the rest of the physical world around us. A world of curiosity and possibly riddled with doubt at the mere suggestion of such an action.
All eyes were on us as we approached the room of our future son. All of the fragile little children tucked in their beds, the place they will likely spend their remaining days and nights, unless more family’s with willing hearts are beckoned soon. All of the children looked well attended despite the lack of therapy, education and other activities that every child needs to thrive and grow. These children are not considered worthy of an education due to their physical or mental differences. One has to detach emotionally in order to be present in this room and not diminish into a pile of mush. I was on a mission to prove that this child had value beyond his seemingly limited capabilities. I knew if I was going to connect with Zhengya I must reveal the truth of my soul to him in our first meeting. It seemed easy and natural to close out the rest of the physical world around us. A world of curiosity and possibly riddled with doubt at the mere suggestion of such an action.
We were all required to put on a white lab coat for "sanitary purposes". I hope the children’s experiences with the white lab coats are for the most part, positive and not associated with negative experiences.
There he was in the very first bed, front and left. The covers pulled up to his face. He was barely peeking out. We pulled back the covers a bit. I took his hand and stroked the top of it and then studied the palm of his hand and fingers with a tracing motion to discover its softness and tone. Zhengya looked my way as I called his name and repeated it. He paused for a moment and listened. Then I called his name again and he responded with delight in his smile and attempted to make a sound. I asked if he could sit with assistance and a care giver motioned and replied that he can sit up by himself, but she came over to encourage him and pulled him forward. He is so tiny and frail, yet his responsiveness gives me hope for a brighter future.
Papa joined me on the other side of Zhengya and we took out bubbles and a ball and attempted to gain more reactions. Although, Z. Was responding positively even showing delight and visible excitement at times, he would still have moments of disengaging. It is difficult at this point to know if this is because he is overwhelmed or it is an aspect of the cerebral palsy that we are unaware of. Regardless, he is in there, alive and listening.
I brought a bottle of bubbles with us and began my way around the room making sure I did not miss anyone (although it turns out I completely missed a row of children in cribs, too tiny for toddler beds, along the wall of windows. I will make sure I visit with them next time) The children were calling out and giggles filled the room. One little boy, Maxim, asked in English, "What is your name? My name is Maxim" "I have Speena Beefeeda". He smiled so brightly! He is brilliant!! I’m sure if I was fluent in Russian, we would have a wonderful conversation. Maxim is just four years old, but already very wise. His little trunk and legs so twisted underneath him and his intestines bulging visibly barely beneath the skin. Yet, the joy that is filling this little boy’s soul, spills out over this sorrowful surroundings.
I have become aware that more people have entered the room. In fact, although I barely glance towards the entrance, I notice that several more people have entered the room to observe our interaction with Zhengya and the other children as well. We are under extreme scrutiny, but I am not bothered. It is our perception that the care givers are doing their best with the very limited resources that they are equipped with. It was our impression that they truly love these children and give them their all.
I brought a bottle of bubbles with us and began my way around the room making sure I did not miss anyone (although it turns out I completely missed a row of children in cribs, too tiny for toddler beds, along the wall of windows. I will make sure I visit with them next time) The children were calling out and giggles filled the room. One little boy, Maxim, asked in English, "What is your name? My name is Maxim" "I have Speena Beefeeda". He smiled so brightly! He is brilliant!! I’m sure if I was fluent in Russian, we would have a wonderful conversation. Maxim is just four years old, but already very wise. His little trunk and legs so twisted underneath him and his intestines bulging visibly barely beneath the skin. Yet, the joy that is filling this little boy’s soul, spills out over this sorrowful surroundings.
I have become aware that more people have entered the room. In fact, although I barely glance towards the entrance, I notice that several more people have entered the room to observe our interaction with Zhengya and the other children as well. We are under extreme scrutiny, but I am not bothered. It is our perception that the care givers are doing their best with the very limited resources that they are equipped with. It was our impression that they truly love these children and give them their all.
Our day at Torez, was emotionally draining and we did not speak much on our way back to Gorlovka. I was still recovering from jet lag and feeling motion sickness this time instead of sleepy. As soon as we reached the apartment and I could get out and breath some fresh air, I was fine. Angelina dropped us at the Market and we picked up some groceries to get us through the next few days while we learn the route and can walk here, as it is just a few blocks from the apartment. We came back, ate a bit and shared a delicious, homemade desert. Then we fell fast asleep and both had a restful night.
It is Friday, October 26th and we are once again headed to the Guardianship Council, but this time in the city of Gorlovka. We will ask for permission now to visit Artyom and Volodymyr. When we arrived at the office of the Deputy, she asks that Mark and I come to speak with her. She wishes to interview us. Angelina tells me she has known her for many years and she is nice but can be a tough lady. She smiles often and is concerned for the welfare of the children whom she is responsible for (all of the orphans in Gorlovka). She poses us questions about our parenting style, choice of discipline and how we implement the same. She asks if we have any photos of our home and family and we share our album with her. She appears content with our responses and gives us favor with our request to visit with the children. She tells us that she knows V.’s Babushka well and that she hopes that he will find a family to love and care for him. She feels this will make V’s Babushka very happy and also states that she is the only one in the family that cares for the welfare of the child.
Angelina has also decided along with Helen, the Director of Gorlovka Hope, not to mention that we hosted Artyom as Hosting programs are not really looked upon as an avenue that should facilitate the adoption of a child. We do not want to make waves, so we are in agreement. We know General Angelina knows the system best! So given this fact, Artyom will be prepped to act as though he is meeting us for the first time. It makes me angry that a child is being asked to participate in the bureaucratic games that are so prevalent here. If we are to bring him home however, it is obvious, we must too be part of the game on this level.
Angelina has also decided along with Helen, the Director of Gorlovka Hope, not to mention that we hosted Artyom as Hosting programs are not really looked upon as an avenue that should facilitate the adoption of a child. We do not want to make waves, so we are in agreement. We know General Angelina knows the system best! So given this fact, Artyom will be prepped to act as though he is meeting us for the first time. It makes me angry that a child is being asked to participate in the bureaucratic games that are so prevalent here. If we are to bring him home however, it is obvious, we must too be part of the game on this level.
Artyom was chosen to attend an exclusive camp in the Crimea, an island off the Black Sea. Children from all over the world attend this camp and it is very "expensive". Each year orphans from Gorlovka and other regions are chosen to go and this was Artyom’s chance. The camp was for 30 days. The children have many fun activities, eat well and whatever and how much they like and also maintain their studies so as not to fall behind. Artyom just arrived back on Thursday evening so he was still adjusting to coming back to the very humble life at the orphanage. He had also made new friends at the Crimea camp and was missing them. When his care giver brought him into Helen’s office he was visibly nervous. (Poor kid was not sure how to act , I’m sure) Mark and I had to be good actors too and it was really difficult not to hug him right away. He was very quiet and then when we offered to show him the photo album of our family he smiled and said, Dah (yes). It was very cute when I was naming his future sisters and brothers he for a moment forgot his part and when I pointed to Charlie, Artyom identified him before I could say a word. I do not think anyone noticed, but I had to snicker. The social worker Laresa, seemed pleased with our "contact meeting" and it was time for her to leave. She was out the door for not 5 seconds and Helen exclaimed. "Now you can do what ever you wish, hug, kiss..." We enjoyed catching up with Artyom, but knew he was overwhelmed. He had just been told we were there for him just 15 minutes before our arrival. Angelina told us of a nice café right outside of the security gate to the orphanage entrance. We enjoyed french fries (nothing like ours, more like roasted potatoes and without the grease). Ukrainian Beer and a steak for Mark and
"ma-rozhg -na" (ice-cream) for Artyom. Mark said the steak is more the texture of lamb, not beef, but very good.
"ma-rozhg -na" (ice-cream) for Artyom. Mark said the steak is more the texture of lamb, not beef, but very good.
If you read our Adoption Blog, I think I mentioned that Helen asked me if I knew any Russian. I told her I had been studying for a few months but only knew a few phrases well. I asked Artyom Kak dze la? (How is it going?) And said, Ya ha-choo ka-tosh-ku (I want potato), trying to lighten things up and speaking a bit of mom and son code, since we had allowed the "forbidden" frying of potatoes in our home. When we returned from the market later that afternoon, we discovered a mystery guest had been to our apartment and left us with a little gift in the refrigerator, 4 potatoes!!
We did not visit V. Today because we had to wait for the permission from SDA to be faxed to the Guardianship Council. So we will come back on Monday and repeat the process with Laresa again but he will not have to pretend it is his first time meeting us, nor will we! Yay !!
We brought lots of DVD’s with us upon the recommendation of experienced adoptive families who have been to Ukraine and Russia. You will miss hearing English after you are immersed in a language that EVERYONE speaks, EXCEPT YOU. We watched the film Flywheel tonight and gave it 2 thumbs up. I really like this guy I married and enjoy spending time with him. He is so smart and a great Dad too. I definitely am going to make sure I remind him more often how much I appreciate him. Boy, would I be in big trouble if I were here alone and so would he. Mark covers all of the mechanical necessities , such as converters, adapters, not blowing up any appliances, lighting the stove (I would build a campfire before messing with the propane) and is our human GPS. I get us a long way with my little nit of Russian that I have been studying the past 2 ½ months. And of course, I do the cooking after the stove is lit, just like back home.
Saturday, October 27th
We brought lots of DVD’s with us upon the recommendation of experienced adoptive families who have been to Ukraine and Russia. You will miss hearing English after you are immersed in a language that EVERYONE speaks, EXCEPT YOU. We watched the film Flywheel tonight and gave it 2 thumbs up. I really like this guy I married and enjoy spending time with him. He is so smart and a great Dad too. I definitely am going to make sure I remind him more often how much I appreciate him. Boy, would I be in big trouble if I were here alone and so would he. Mark covers all of the mechanical necessities , such as converters, adapters, not blowing up any appliances, lighting the stove (I would build a campfire before messing with the propane) and is our human GPS. I get us a long way with my little nit of Russian that I have been studying the past 2 ½ months. And of course, I do the cooking after the stove is lit, just like back home.
Saturday, October 27th
Today we will not go to the orphanage. We are just going to rest and find our way to the Internet Café and Market. Angelina drew us a map last night and I am confident in Mark’s ability to trace our steps and get us home. I was quite sad and homesick today. It is cloudy and a dreary day which isn’t helping my mood. Our great plans to use Skype and have free voice over International calls to speak with Charlie and Nick has failed us, as since we left Kyiv , we no longer have the luxury of High Speed Internet. This is required to utilize the Skype service. Angelina has told us though that if we give our Ukrainian cell phone numbers to family at home in the States, they can call us at a better rate (using other call plans) and it will not effect our minutes. In other words, it is not like our cells phones in the US which use up minutes for both sides of the call. So we were able to quickly phone Auntie Ann with the few minutes we had left on our cell phone and give her our phone numbers. She called us right back and we talked for a good while. Charlie and Nick are doing well and their Godparents are keeping them very occupied with activities. They are having a wonderful time with the Veverka crew. My spirits were lifted at once when I was able to connect with home and my "babies".
Here is our numbers, for anyone who wants to make phone contact. We are 7 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time . From the U.S. dial:
Theresa: 011 380 677 837 488
Mark: 011 380 677 837 446
Theresa: 011 380 677 837 488
Mark: 011 380 677 837 446
We made our way to the I-café and market. I even was able to help read the map, a newly acquired talent based on survival! I am amazed at Mark’s tracking abilities, I would not want to imagine where we would end up if I had to get us back to the apartment myself. We have a few new favorite indulgences, or shall we say , "comfort foods"? Mark’s are Ukranian Beer (Is that a food?) and Ukranian chocolate. Although, the chocolate part is not a "new" favorite. Mine is also Ukranian chocolate, especially with caramel, OMG! , roasted potatoes, UA style and Danon yogurt. The yogurt here does not even come close to ours at home. Since milk products are different as a whole, there is none of this non-fat and light means something different, not sugar -free. I could get use to this real fast. Mark said the milk is maybe goat’s milk and not cow’s milk. But whatever is the case the yogurt is the bomb!! Maybe we will adopt a herd of goats too!!
We turned in around 10:00 I think and had a wonderful sleep. It is always a comfort to know your children are well and I’m sure this helped for certain.
The four-legged, furry children, Chloe and Georgie were another story. Although they have been well cared for this first week, Georgie and Chloe caused much mischief at the Mentesana’s who so graciously offered to keep them in our absence. Georgie, our male beagle, decided he was going to try to antagonize George, their female pug. Then, Chloe and Georgie dug themselves a trench under the fence (an act I confidently guaranteed had never taken place in our yard) and attempted an escape to the Ukraine or possibly Schroon Lake to find their lost humans. Embarrassed their faithful human mama, they have. Fortunately, a kind and observant neighbor returned them to the Mentesana home. Sadly, for them, they will probably not be spared the natural consequences of their shenanigans and will have to spend the remaining time boarded at the vets with many restrictions guess we could not have titled our Blog, Wollschlager Adoption Adventure had everything gone without a hitch.
Sunday, October 28th
Today we are meeting Olga. Olga is Angelina’s assistant and our translator for the day. Our taxi arrived with Olga at 1:00. We either walk , take a taxi, or personal driver for longer trips. Taxi’s and drivers are very reasonable. If we can figure our the bus system, that is probably even cheaper. With gas prices as they are in the U.S. I could also get use to this part. Artyom was clearly more comfortable and rested from his time at camp. He now wore that naturally infectious smile we were familiar with. We again went for his favorite desert. Marozhgna and roasted french potatoes for mama and papa. Artyom does not like chocolate, but fruit, on his ice-cream. We talked about signing him up for Soccer in the Spring as Fall ball will have ended or almost ended when we return home. He asked who else will play with him on the team, searching to see if his brother Charlie would also play in the Spring. We told him that Charlie loves to play baseball in the Spring but that he would play soccer (football) in the Fall. Artyom stated that he would then only wish to play in the Fall. We talked a bit more about activities at home with Olga’s assistance and then hugged goodbye until tomorrow.
Today we are meeting Olga. Olga is Angelina’s assistant and our translator for the day. Our taxi arrived with Olga at 1:00. We either walk , take a taxi, or personal driver for longer trips. Taxi’s and drivers are very reasonable. If we can figure our the bus system, that is probably even cheaper. With gas prices as they are in the U.S. I could also get use to this part. Artyom was clearly more comfortable and rested from his time at camp. He now wore that naturally infectious smile we were familiar with. We again went for his favorite desert. Marozhgna and roasted french potatoes for mama and papa. Artyom does not like chocolate, but fruit, on his ice-cream. We talked about signing him up for Soccer in the Spring as Fall ball will have ended or almost ended when we return home. He asked who else will play with him on the team, searching to see if his brother Charlie would also play in the Spring. We told him that Charlie loves to play baseball in the Spring but that he would play soccer (football) in the Fall. Artyom stated that he would then only wish to play in the Fall. We talked a bit more about activities at home with Olga’s assistance and then hugged goodbye until tomorrow.
Date night at Sudeyko Street, Apt no. 4.. No popcorn here in Gorlovka to go with our film for the night, One Night With the King. We are substituting coffee, tea and cookies. I highly recommend this movie. This is actually my second time seeing it. It is the story of Esther of Suza and King Ahasuerus of the Old Testament. I think I could watch it again soon. A favorite for sure. We also worked a puzzle book together. I had picked it up at JFK thinking it was a crossword book, come to discover, it is a fill - in - the words or numbers book. It is easy, fun and not very taxing on our brains at the end of the day.
The Name Game
Tonight we also made a list of names for Artyom and Volodymyr to choose from for their new first names that will be on their American birth certificates. Their present first names will remain as their middle names since there are no middle names given here and we want them to keep their heritage. Charlie had already chosen Christopher for Eugene’s (Zhengya) first name. If they prefer to continue to be called by their Ukraine names , we will do this.
Here is the list: (Helen suggested that if the boys cannot make up their minds, that we choose for them, I am not so sure about that)
The Name Game
Tonight we also made a list of names for Artyom and Volodymyr to choose from for their new first names that will be on their American birth certificates. Their present first names will remain as their middle names since there are no middle names given here and we want them to keep their heritage. Charlie had already chosen Christopher for Eugene’s (Zhengya) first name. If they prefer to continue to be called by their Ukraine names , we will do this.
Here is the list: (Helen suggested that if the boys cannot make up their minds, that we choose for them, I am not so sure about that)
Side Note: Ironically, the first Cathedral we visited before we saw the available boys for adoption was Saint Volodymyr’s. We lit three candles representing our future children and prayed for wisdom and guidance with the revelation of the third child. I kept forgetting V.’s name until Olga told me on Sunday. Then as I was searching for this name list and thinking it was in my Bible, I came across a prayer card I had been given more then 2 years ago.I had not been aware of the specific image of Mary that it was until this moment, or at least I had not recalled it since our arrival in Ukraine. It was an Icon of Our Lady of Vladimir (The Russian spelling of Volodymyr), Virgin of Tenderness. The image was also together with the memorial card of my dear and longtime friend Ellena Storti , who received her heavenly reward of eternal life on October 24th 2002. Ellena was a devote Christian. A Catholic woman in love with Christ and devoted also to Mary. Another irony, our family’s new patron Saint, Ellena’s anniversary of death on earth, October 24th, was the date of our SDA appointment.
Andrew- We have actually started to refer to Volodymyr as "Andy" between the two of us, because we both think he looks like an "Andy" so we are kind of hoping he chooses Andrew, but we will have to change our ways if he likes one of our other choices.
Thomas
Michael
Joseph
Joel
Luke
Jack
Alexander/Alex
Samuel/Sam
Matthew/Matt
Timothy
Benjamin/Ben
Monday, October 29th
Today we are going to the Notary’s office to sign the applications/petitions to adopt the children. One copy will be sent to the SDA and the other to the Guardianship Council. Once received, a judge is assigned to our cases and a court date set. We are praying it will be this week and Angelina is also requesting that the hearing for all 3 boys take place in Gorlovka even though Christopher is in Torez.
The notary takes about 45 minutes. Angelina tells me that notary’s are paid a very large salary and are very expensive. It’s a good thing our notaries are "public servants" and charge very little or nothing to witness a document. I guess whatever was not costly in the first part of the process, we will make up for here.
Andrew- We have actually started to refer to Volodymyr as "Andy" between the two of us, because we both think he looks like an "Andy" so we are kind of hoping he chooses Andrew, but we will have to change our ways if he likes one of our other choices.
Thomas
Michael
Joseph
Joel
Luke
Jack
Alexander/Alex
Samuel/Sam
Matthew/Matt
Timothy
Benjamin/Ben
Monday, October 29th
Today we are going to the Notary’s office to sign the applications/petitions to adopt the children. One copy will be sent to the SDA and the other to the Guardianship Council. Once received, a judge is assigned to our cases and a court date set. We are praying it will be this week and Angelina is also requesting that the hearing for all 3 boys take place in Gorlovka even though Christopher is in Torez.
The notary takes about 45 minutes. Angelina tells me that notary’s are paid a very large salary and are very expensive. It’s a good thing our notaries are "public servants" and charge very little or nothing to witness a document. I guess whatever was not costly in the first part of the process, we will make up for here.
We headed off with Olga to Gorlovka Hope to meet V., "Andy" for the first time. When we arrived Artyom and V. Were not there and the nurse had taken them to the hospital for a medical exam. Olga said their was evidently a break in communications because they had called the day before, reminding them of our visit. Helen was out of the office, so no one had mentioned we were coming again. The social worker, Laresa had already been there waiting for some time. So Olga went to the hospital to bring V to meet with us.
V.’s caretaker held him close with her arms gently wrapped around him. She began to describe V’s personality and interests. She said he was very diligent with his school work and completing the 3rd grade, but that really he could accomplish more and a "higher level" if he applied himself. She also described him as "full of energy" and "lively". She told us V. had his own opinion about things and how they should go, he will express himself appropriately and even if he is angry he is not aggressive and that he is also very fair and if he sees another child treated unjustly, he will intervene and make things right. All things, his new mama and papa like to hear of course. Given all of these reports, we are still prepared as much as possible for a transition period of unknown length when we return home. We are aware that a culture shock and new dynamics for our family both of origin and adoption will take place and we believe if we continue to seek God’s grace and wisdom, He will lead us to the assistance and resources that will help our family thrive and grow. I am so grateful for the many families who have adopted before us that have been so gracious this past 19 months in sharing their personal experiences with us. I will continue to accept your kind invitations to call on you for additional guidance as we return home with our new sons.
V.’s caretaker held him close with her arms gently wrapped around him. She began to describe V’s personality and interests. She said he was very diligent with his school work and completing the 3rd grade, but that really he could accomplish more and a "higher level" if he applied himself. She also described him as "full of energy" and "lively". She told us V. had his own opinion about things and how they should go, he will express himself appropriately and even if he is angry he is not aggressive and that he is also very fair and if he sees another child treated unjustly, he will intervene and make things right. All things, his new mama and papa like to hear of course. Given all of these reports, we are still prepared as much as possible for a transition period of unknown length when we return home. We are aware that a culture shock and new dynamics for our family both of origin and adoption will take place and we believe if we continue to seek God’s grace and wisdom, He will lead us to the assistance and resources that will help our family thrive and grow. I am so grateful for the many families who have adopted before us that have been so gracious this past 19 months in sharing their personal experiences with us. I will continue to accept your kind invitations to call on you for additional guidance as we return home with our new sons.
After our meeting, the Larisa, the social worker from the Guardianship Committee left and so did Olga, our translator. We were taken to a visiting room with a sofa, table and 2 chairs to have some time to interact with V. I brought out the magnetic Chess board for V. And Papa to play. Mark said that V. Played chess aggressively just as Artyom does. I brought Chutes and Ladders which is my level of board game- Haha! In fact I beat the little guy 3 times in row, no mercy! Hey, he told me Mathematics is his favorite and best subject, I have to show who is in charge around here, I cannot show any weakness in this area (Smile).
Artyom returned from the doctor’s office and joined us. He played a game of Chess with dad. Mark said Artyom still played just as aggressively while watching V and I at our game. He whipped Papa again! We headed to our new favorite café and met with Helen outside on our way there. We asked if she would come order for us as I cannot read Cyrillic yet and even if I could I would have to know what the word meant. We also invited Artyom’s "best friend" Sergey to come with us. We had a nice time and the food was again delicious. The manager is starting to smile at us even more, I am sure we are becoming some of his best regulars. We are going to tell him that we will recommend his fine café to many Americans when they come to Gorlovka.
When we left the café the boys still had half bottle of Coke left to take back to the orphanage. I am sure it is not something they have often (They will do well with this at home, since mama is the food police and soda is a treat at home too) I wish to make this point to Charlie of how privilege he really is. When we go out to eat at home, I have to be on the server to stop re-filling my kid’s glass with coke. Forget about saving any for the meal, the first glass is sucked down like there’s no tomorrow!
Artyom returned from the doctor’s office and joined us. He played a game of Chess with dad. Mark said Artyom still played just as aggressively while watching V and I at our game. He whipped Papa again! We headed to our new favorite café and met with Helen outside on our way there. We asked if she would come order for us as I cannot read Cyrillic yet and even if I could I would have to know what the word meant. We also invited Artyom’s "best friend" Sergey to come with us. We had a nice time and the food was again delicious. The manager is starting to smile at us even more, I am sure we are becoming some of his best regulars. We are going to tell him that we will recommend his fine café to many Americans when they come to Gorlovka.
When we left the café the boys still had half bottle of Coke left to take back to the orphanage. I am sure it is not something they have often (They will do well with this at home, since mama is the food police and soda is a treat at home too) I wish to make this point to Charlie of how privilege he really is. When we go out to eat at home, I have to be on the server to stop re-filling my kid’s glass with coke. Forget about saving any for the meal, the first glass is sucked down like there’s no tomorrow!
As we walked back to the orphanage, I noticed V was turning the coke bottle upside down and shaking it inside of his jacket. I had to laugh, knowing what he was planning to do when he returned to his friends. I whispered to Mark my observation and thought about Charlie and that he does this often. "Boys will be boys", I thought. Mark mentioned the Coke shaking to Helen with a smile in anticipation of the sticky mess it might make. She laughed too and I was glad to see she has a great sense of humor and understands children. She mentioned it too V and he grinned sheepishly and denied that he was going open the bottle of fizz. It’s the quiet ones, yup!
We hugged the little guys and Helen called a taxi to take us to the Internet Café to check our e-mails. We will walk home from there as it is only about a 15-20 minute walk.
When we left the I-café and made our way back to our cozy abode, we made new notes of the landmarks along the way. There are two stone statues on the corner of which we turn, just a few blocks from the apartment. They do not have detailed features or limbs, but one has a head and one does not, and is cut off at the neck. We now have affectionately named them Cyril and Methodiios.
We hugged the little guys and Helen called a taxi to take us to the Internet Café to check our e-mails. We will walk home from there as it is only about a 15-20 minute walk.
When we left the I-café and made our way back to our cozy abode, we made new notes of the landmarks along the way. There are two stone statues on the corner of which we turn, just a few blocks from the apartment. They do not have detailed features or limbs, but one has a head and one does not, and is cut off at the neck. We now have affectionately named them Cyril and Methodiios.
I have to note to the families that are also new to International Adoption , that in my personal opinion, I have concluded that the countries which mandate both parents to travel to the country of interest are very wise in doing so. There may be other things that I am not so sure I agree with, but this one I do. The only exception might be if you have already had experience being totally immersed in a culture that does not speak your language and have all of the creature comforts you are accustomed to. This is the only way you are going to come close to comprehending what your new child/ren are experiencing when they come home with you. Despite what one might imagine, they are not going to Disneyland when they leave the orphanage and find their "forever family".
There is so much to process emotionally, psychologically and spiritually that I find taking advantage of our down time to just be quiet and think or journal by myself is very helpful. Mark does the same while he works the crossword puzzle or reads. When I see him conversing with another person, with hands waving in the air like he was birthed in Rome, but no one else is present.... I look the other way. Don’t you worry either, he is "just processing" too.
There is so much to process emotionally, psychologically and spiritually that I find taking advantage of our down time to just be quiet and think or journal by myself is very helpful. Mark does the same while he works the crossword puzzle or reads. When I see him conversing with another person, with hands waving in the air like he was birthed in Rome, but no one else is present.... I look the other way. Don’t you worry either, he is "just processing" too.
When I have my quiet moments though, I also begin to miss Ashleigh, Neena, Charlie and Nick so very much. This is by far the hardest part of the journey for me. I am so blessed by my children that I think that is why when God asked me to take on the parenting of His orphans, I could not deny Him. Being a mother has been one of the greatest privileges and challenges of my life. It beckons me to reflect on who I was created to be and my Divine purpose and significance as the daughter of my Lord. I am at my best when I have a cause to work for. This is true joy for me. An existence that helps me overcome the sometimes extreme ugliness of our fallen nature and world. This is what it means to give a name to my soul. A name that I have chosen to describe what it is to serve my God completely and without reservations, it is, "Serenity".
Yesterday, I had a proud moment in the life of a mom. Ashleigh and Neena are incredible young women in their own right. Young adults that I would be amazed by even if I had not birthed them (I can only imagine, since I know I have a natural bias, but I do believe so) When our beagles Chloe and Georgie decided to create a ruckus and see if anyone would notice, the girls took charge of the situation, to ease my concerns while I am obviously not in a position to manage the hounds. Despite both of their grueling schedules, first year Law School and first year Dental School, they each took responsibility for one Beagle so the beloved family pets would not have to be crated and boarded at the vet. This is a big deal in my eyes and I am moved to tears by their selfless decisions.
Until tomorrow,
The mama
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